


Restoration

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Series: Clouded Light [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Mistakes, Post-Betrayal, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Right now anyway (got my eye on you CW season 7), barrissoka, eventually explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-05 02:48:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20481602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: Years after her betrayal by the woman she once called a friend, Ahsoka Tano confronts unresolved issues. The woman once known as Barriss Offee struggles to live with her choices, when she’s given a second chance. Can they both come to terms with the past and create a new future?This is a sequel to the [former] one-shot “Mission” (see part 1 of this series). Reading that first will make this story more meaningful but isn’t necessary.





	1. Unsettled

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lammen_Gorthaur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lammen_Gorthaur/gifts).

> Rated "E" for sexual content. Whether it is graphic enough to deserve an "E", I have no idea. I decided to err on the side of caution. If someone has a good set of guidelines, let me know.
> 
> Because, this--> Gabby Trying to Decide a Rating: Let's check AO3 guidelines. *cue ten minutes of scrolling* Bloody Force, why isn't there a search for the FAQ section?! Am I missing it? Forget it. Expand all categories! *cue more scrolling* Whew, here we go! _'Mature: The content contains adult themes (sex, violence, etc) that aren't as graphic as explicit-rated content.'_ Huh. Well, what's considered explicit then? _'Contains explicit adult themes, such as porn, graphic violence, etc.'_ Um... ok. I guess thanks for the clarification? Alright, let's search the interwebz for practical examples... HOLY MOTHER OF YODA, that's it. I am so done.
> 
> Update! Added some explicit to the explicit content. Now, I'm feeling more, uh... explicit. Oh, whatever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While meditating, the Force prompts Ahsoka to chase down an unanswered question from her past.

_“Barriss! Wait!”_

_The woman slowly came to a halt in front of the temple assembly room but didn’t turn around._

_Ahsoka finally caught up and grinned nervously. “Uh, hey. How are things?” _

_Barriss stared. “We’re about to attend a eulogy for those killed by a terrorist bombing, Ahsoka.”_

_She winced. “I know. I didn’t mean—sorry. I just haven’t seen you since Ruusan, and we never got to talk afterward. So, I thought—” _

_The woman jerked and started walking into the room. “I don’t think this is the ideal time to catch up.”_

_Grabbing her arm, she pleaded, “You’re right. Maybe after?" Despite Master Che saying her memories from the Ruusan mission were probably irretrievable, Ahsoka had desperately tried to force them into existence. Her lack of success hadn’t dampened the sense of importance they still carried in her mind. "Please?”_

_There was no response for a few moments. Finally, Barriss replied flatly, “If you want.” Pulling away, she strode through the entrance._

_Curling and uncurling her fingers, she murmured, “Yes. I do.” Ahsoka straightened and hurried after Barriss. She would figure out what was going on if it killed her._

Ahsoka Tano, otherwise known as Fulcrum, surfaced from her meditation. _Why that memory?_ Placing elbows on her thighs and resting a chin on interlocked fingers, she attempted to sort out what the Force had shown her.

It wasn’t a happy memory by any means. Of course, they often weren’t these days. Still, it had been years since she’d thought of that terrible day. The day her life had spun into a freefall. The beginning of the end and the end before the beginning.

Though, Barriss came more often than she liked to admit. _Maybe that’s it?_ Perhaps, the Force was trying to show her an unresolved issue. _Well, I don’t need you to tell me that one, thanks._

The visceral pain of Barriss’ betrayal had faded over time. However, a sensitive scar remained carved into her heart. Made worse because it could never be healed. Barriss was gone. _Like everyone else. _

While she now understood on some level her former friend’s motivations and even acknowledged the truth of her assessment of the Jedi, it didn’t make her actions right. Barriss had allowed fear and anger to cloud her judgment, leading to ineffective and horrifying results. Her message she’d sacrificed everything to deliver had gone unheeded.

Ahsoka recognized the desperation that led Barriss to lash out. However, there was one part that could never be reconciled. _Why me?_

The question generated a pulse in her senses. _Seriously? You want me to resolve the unresolvable? _Ahsoka Tano had moved past many things but not that. If only because it was a question she had no way to answer. _I passed up my chance to try. _

She could have visited Barriss in prison. But it had been too hard, too inexplicable, too painful. She'd felt lost, entire world collapsing around her. Looking into the eyes of the person that caused it wasn’t something a young Ahsoka Tano could handle. Knowing those same eyes—the ones she’d dreamt about so many times before—would soon be robbed of life only shattered more of her already broken heart. Of course, it was likely her former friend wouldn’t have given her the answers she wanted. That’s what Ahsoka had always told herself anyway.

The woman rubbed hands over her face. _How am I supposed to know her reasons?_ Presumably, Ahsoka was a victim of opportunity. She had gotten too close to the truth, and Barriss needed a scapegoat. It was the explanation that made the most sense. Yet, it didn’t quite ring true.

Why had Letta asked for Ahsoka specifically? That request kicked off the entire chain of events leading to her arrest and expulsion. There were only two plausible reasons. Either Barriss had intended her to take the fall the entire time—despite Ahsoka being off-Coruscant and having no idea she’d be summoned back—or… _she honestly told Letta I was the only Jedi that could be trusted._ But if the latter were true that would mean Barriss had still trusted her, unlike the rest of the Order. _Yet, she chose to sacrifice me. She threw me away as easily as tossing out a used power cell._

Ahsoka hissed a breath through her teeth. What in Sith’s name did the Force expect her to figure out?

_______

She didn’t need to be in the same room with Bail to sense his surprise. Nor did she need an undistorted image of his face on the viewer. The security protocols weren’t _that_ good.

“An unexpected request.”

Ahsoka sighed. “I know. Just humor me. I’m trying to… resolve an old issue.”

A new image overlay shimmered onto the screen and Wookiee-like features gazed back at her. “I see.” Bail turned to his right, and she heard keys tapping. “I’ll poke around the Senate archives. However, I can already tell you one thing. You’re searching in the wrong place. If they still exist, her confession and interrogation records wouldn’t be in the termination department’s files. Barriss Offee had her sentence commuted to life imprisonment.”

“What?! When?” _How did I not know this?_ The answer came immediately. _The same reason you couldn’t bring yourself to visit her. You didn’t want to think about it, think about her. You just… ran away._

His head flipped back to the screen. “It occurred months after her trial concluded, so you may have already left Coruscant by that point. As I recall, her execution date was pushed back several times due to Padmé’s involvement. She insisted on being her advocate and submitted a full round of appeals—despite Offee’s apparent disinterest. I got the impression Padmé rather forced her acquiescence.” His speech faltered for an instant. “She always did believe in the lost causes.”

Ahsoka gazed out of her cockpit window, more memories tinged with sorrow floating by. “Yes.”

“Though,” he continued more thoughtfully, “it wasn’t completely in vain. The day prior to Offee’s scheduled execution, Palpatine announced his decision to grant her final appeal for clemency. There was quite a bit of speculation on why he did so. The prevailing theory was that he was playing to public sentiment. His speech announcing the decision projected a strong leader caught up in the Jedi’s war, still fighting for justice.” Bail grunted.

She furrowed her brow. “Why would that gain him favor, though? If memory serves,” Ahsoka added dryly, “the justice that same public wanted for the innocent Jedi originally accused of the crime wasn’t so generous.”

“Time had made her a more sympathetic figure in the eyes of many. The lone Jedi fighting the corrupt Order, trying to stop the war, sent over the edge by her evil masters, and so forth. Palpatine’s words were much more subtle, but the message was clear. We could not allow tragedy to destroy our compassion for a girl driven to the brink of insanity by the bloodshed others forced upon her.”

Ahsoka blinked. “Interesting.” A strange feeling flooded her senses, and she murmured, “So, Barriss could be alive?”

A new blond, purple-skinned face raised non-existent eyebrows. “Doubtful. Why keep such an unstable force user alive after the purge?”

She chewed the inside of her mouth. “I’m not sure. Unless, he planned to… turn her. We still don’t know if his inquisitors are former Jedi or not. Having an extremely skilled one, unpredictable or otherwise, under his nose might have presented too good of an opportunity to pass up. And she had already shown a proclivity for letting anger and fear control her actions.” A small shiver ran down her spine. Barriss had done terrible things. Yet, Ahsoka had never thought of her as evil. The idea of her being twisted into a Sith acolyte made her blood ice over.

“Hmm, perhaps. I think it more probable she was killed along with the rest of the Order. Palpatine doesn’t leave loose ends.”

It was a logical assessment. However, Ahsoka couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t accurate. “Maybe.” The scrambler began flashing red. “We’re out of time. Will you let me know if you find anything?”

Bail nodded. “Be careful. This may be a dangerous issue to resolve.”

She smiled wanly. “I know. Thanks.”

His image blinked out, and Ahsoka leaned back in her pilot’s seat. Barriss might be alive. Her feelings on that were every kind of conflicted. Though, only one of the emotions surprised her. _Hope._

_______

_Ahsoka couldn’t stop her gaze from wandering toward Barriss during Master Yoda’s eulogy. Her attempts at engaging the woman were minimally effective. She had known Tutso well. Perhaps, that explained the distress? No. It was more. Ahsoka could feel it. _

_More than that, something gnawed inside of her. As if a hole she didn’t realize was there had emerged. It was unsettling. _

_Once the memorial ended, she tried to grab Barriss for their promised private conversation. But Anakin and the annoyance inducing Tarkin joined them. Finally, Anakin released her, and Ahsoka flew after the retreating Barriss._

_However, before they could make it past an opening conversation on Jedi emotions, they were interrupted once again. Ahsoka was needed in the war room. As she headed off to do her duty, the unsettling feeling receded to the back of her mind. But it was always there. Always._

Eyelids fluttering open, she rubbed her arm. That same unsettling hole inside of her was haunting Ahsoka once more. _Has it really always been there, and you’ve just ignored it?_

Her thoughts again wandered to the missing memories from their Ruusan mission. It still bothered Ahsoka for unfathomable reasons. A few days worth of experiences couldn’t be that important, right? Was it just because they involved Barriss, shortly before she’d gone over the edge?

Ahsoka had even asked Kaeden about it, who had agreed with Master Che’s assessment. Togruta memory had several stages, and her friend suspected everything had been in the process of being committed to long-term memory. The intermediate holding area had carefully balanced pathways that a strong enough disruption could temporarily destabilize.

Though, Kaeden mentioned a case she’d studied in medical school where a Togruta had recovered lost memories years later. The researchers theorized it to be a result of the in-process memories being shoved into a fail-safe area to prevent permanent brain damage. Then, new trauma forced a realignment of electrical impulses that kickstarted them into completion.

Her friend had impishly suggested she throw herself in front of a plasma charge to find out if it would work. Ahsoka had laughed but momentarily considered it. _Obsessive much, Tano?_ Grinding her teeth, she leapt up from the floor of her cockpit.

Moving to the pilot’s seat, she slumped into it and rolled absent fingers over the navigation controls. _What now? _There seemed to be nothing more to be done at the moment. Ahsoka had no leads or even an inkling of what the Force was trying to tell her.

She abruptly realized her roaming fingers had set coordinates. _Where is that?_ Pulling up her charts, Ahsoka flipped through them, until locating the unknown destination. Her muscles seized up, lungs halting completely.

Pressing palms into the control panel, she calmed the turmoil and regained her breath. It wasn’t possible for her mind to have conjured the choice in some strange twist of memory. She had never seen the actual coordinates all those years ago and coincidence was so far-fetched as to be laughable.

The woman straightened in her seat. Finalizing the jump, she pulled back on the lever as stars warped around her. Ahsoka Tano was headed to Ruusan.

_______

The woman once known as Barriss Offee wrapped her thick, sherpa robe tighter and curled up in the corner of her cave. She called it hers, anyway. Nothing was hers for very long. Still, referring to it that way seemed to help her mind cope with a reality it still tried to reject. _I wonder how long I have?_

She’d survived in this spot longer than any other. Often, she wondered if it was a result of the complete isolation or something more ethereal. This place provided both strength and pain. It was what she could never have yet desperately craved. This was where everything went wrong and right. Perhaps, the constant battle of joyful and bitter memories reminded her she was still alive.

In fact, she occasionally caught herself thinking of it as home but then swiftly berated herself. Barriss Offee was the one who’d had a home. A home she’d thrown away and could never get back. The ragged nomad without an identity didn’t deserve one.

_What if I… did?_

_No!_ Jerking up, she banged fists into the rocky ground repeatedly. _Stop it! You won’t ever have a home again. Anyone who cares about you. Things that are yours. People you can trust. A place where you’re safe. None of it. And that’s the way it should be._

Anger bled into misery once more and her fists loosened. The murky light from her dim torch revealed streaks of blood. Lifting hands, she stared numbly at the oozing injuries. _That was stupid. Now, you’re going to have to use your limited healing supplies to fix something that never should have happened._

Her mind shrugged. _Doesn’t matter._ Wiping blood on her robe, the woman laid back down. Pulling knees into her chest, she tightened into a ball.

The nobody she’d become knew it wouldn’t be much longer. The part of her that was still Barriss Offee was so weary, life waning with each passing day. Soon, very soon, the person that once was would finally die.

She deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off we go! This story is completely drafted, so updates should come fairly quickly as I edit. I plan to have Chapter 2 up in the next day or two. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> p.s. Since you are not the memory-deprived Ahsoka, you can find out exactly what happened on Ruusan by reading Part 1 of this series ("Mission"). If you want to, of course. If not, you should still be good. However you like to roll works for me.


	2. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka chases the past and finds more than expected, while Barriss teeters on a precipice.

Toggling the decoder, Ahsoka’s pulse quickened as her eyes scanned the incoming files from Bail. Glancing at the chronometer, she pretended to gauge if there was enough time to review them before arriving at Ruusan. Of course, it wouldn’t have mattered if she had five minutes or five days.

The woman opened an intelligence dossier on Barriss. _Nothing new there._ Selecting the next, a trial transcript appeared. Skimming revealed no details of note. The trial was short and decisive. Barriss hadn’t even bothered with a defense it seemed. Crossing her fingers, she opened the final file. A video popped up on the screen, and Ahsoka gasped.

Barriss was in a baggy prison jumpsuit, seated ramrod straight on a bench, behind a glowing security field. She looked like a specter of her former self. The olive skin was faded and sickly, while loose skin hung from emaciated arms. Her black hair was shorn almost to her scalp. The worst part, though, was the eyes. They were hollow. They were the eyes of someone else.

An anonymous voice came from outside the frame. “Your execution date is imminent. This may be your final chance to do the right thing.”

She replied vacantly, “You still believe I had accomplices other than Letta? Stupid.”

“Some believe that. I told them you were a lost cause.”

Barriss barked a bitter laugh. “You’re right. I always have been.” Then, she seemed to focus. “Since I’m about to die, and you’ve accepted I have nothing more to give, can you finally answer my question?”

There was a growl. “Fine, Offee. You want to know what happened to her that badly, huh? Ahsoka Tano was expelled from the Jedi Order.”

“I already know that. Did she return to the Order after my arrest?” Anxiety dripped from her tone.

“No. I heard a rumor they offered her reinstatement, but she refused. Don’t know if that’s true. As to where or what she’s doing, I can’t tell you. You destroyed her life, so I doubt it’s anything good.”

Her lifeless expression morphed into shining intensity. “You’re wrong. Ahsoka Tano is unbreakable. She turns pain into strength, fear into courage, darkness into light.” The voice faded to a choked whisper. “It ends as it began. The Jedi ripped her away from me, and now I’ve ripped her from the Jedi. Ahsoka Tano is better off without us all.” An ethereal smile curved up. “She is _free_.” Barriss closed her eyes and laid down on the bench. “I will speak no more.”

There was a frustrated sigh. “Why do I always get the crazy ones?” Then, footsteps receded into the distance.

Barriss continued to lay in silence, but the smile on her face remained as the video blipped to black.

Ahsoka realized she was clenching the seat arms so tightly her body was shaking. Releasing her vice grip, she restarted the recording. _I don’t understand._ Heart squeezing against her ribcage, she watched it over and over as her mind raced. _What do you expect to figure out, Tano? Stop this._

Her finger pushed the replay button.

_______

_“So, it looks like I missed you again, huh?” Ahsoka’s disappointed voice echoed from the comm. _

_Barriss sat at her terminal, hands twitching. One lifted toward the blinking answer button but then halted mid-air._

_“I even checked the deployments to make sure you were on Coruscant still. I figured you’d be in your quarters at this time.” Her tone edged into dejection. “I know you usually do your reports after dinner, so I waited all day. Guess I was wrong.”_

_The words sliced through her heart, and Barriss’ hand inched closer._

_“The thing is we didn’t really get to catch up after Ruusan. I read your mission report, but it didn’t have much detail. I was hoping you could, um, fill in the blanks, I guess.”_

_Barriss began trembling, breaths coming fast and shallow._

_“Also, I kinda… miss you.”_

_She jerked her hand back and clenched it into a fist._

_“Whelp, guess that’s it for now. Cato Neimodia’s being invaded by seppies. We’re headed there to defend the planet. So, I don’t know when I’ll get back to the temple or have a chance to comm you again. Maybe you could… leave me a message?” She rushed on, “If you’re not too busy, I mean.” _

_Barriss gripped the edges of her desk, eyes squeezing shut._

_There was a long pause, before Ahsoka pleaded, “Please, Barriss. Call me back.”_

_She stared at the button, teary eyes blurring the green hues of the beckoning light. Her hand lifted once more. This time she didn’t stop it. _

_Her fingers reached the comm as a strained voice whispered, “Ok, talk to you soon, I hope.”_

_As Barriss pressed the button, it stopped blinking. Ahsoka was gone._

Jerking awake, icy sweat pouring down her face, she gazed unseeingly at a cave wall. _So close. Why didn’t you just answer?_

Dreams of the past, or rather nightmares of her mistakes, had become a regular occurrence over the last several weeks. If she was still Barriss Offee, perhaps it would mean something—a sign, a message, a directive. But the person she’d become knew better. _Too late now. It's too late for anything. _

Chills rolling across her body, the woman laid back down as some part of her cried.

_______

Ahsoka stared out the cockpit window, Barriss’ ethereal smile still frozen on her monitor. _I don’t understand._

The console flashed, jerking her back into reality. Dropping out of hyperspace at the edge of the system, she scanned for enemy activity. There were no Imperial ships in range. Ruusan apparently didn’t rate special notice.

Sublighting into orbit around the planet, she sifted through comm traffic and sensor readings. The Imperial presence appeared to be confined to the more populated areas. Though, populated was a bit of a misnomer. Ruusan was sparsely inhabited and, according to the databank, most of those inhabitants existed in the more temperate zones. In any case, it seemed safe enough for her purposes.

_Where am I supposed to go?_ She once again cursed her lack of memories. Ahsoka had no idea where they had even landed during that long-ago mission. Then, inspiration struck.

Calling up her archives, she searched for locations of separatist facilities during the Clone Wars. _There._ One caught her attention. It was surrounded by canyons. She remembered waking up after her injury in an arid cave. None of the other three on Ruusan had similar terrain.

Plugging in landing coordinates, Ahsoka still couldn't shake the image of a wasted yet smiling Barriss from her mind.

_______

Ahsoka climbed over metal beams as she made her way around the abandoned separatist installation. Amazingly, it was still eerily lit by some kind of emergency power reserve. Though, not for much longer if the flickering lights and sputtering whines were any indication. Nothing looked familiar. She wasn’t even sure if this was where the Force meant for her to be.

Sparks flew from a panel on her right. She spun out of range with an undignified yelp. “Gah! This place is a death trap.”

Pushing down the frustration, Ahsoka stood in the center of a junction and assessed three diverging corridors. Closing her eyes, she reached out with her feelings. _It’s none of them._

Her eyes flipped open, pinpointing on a partially collapsed blast door at the end of the corridor. “Of course. Why would it be somewhere that looked like it _wasn’t_ going to crash down on my head?” She moved closer and waved her lightsaber around the unstable opening, trying to get a better assessment.

An erratic wave of electrical energy webbed across the walls. _Oh. This must be it. The place where you almost died. Where your memories disappeared._ Blowing air into her cheeks and then releasing it, she murmured, “Ok, Tano. Leap of faith.”

Powering down her saber, she secured it to her belt. Stepping over the twisted metal door, she stood in the center of the small entryway leading outside.

For a moment, nothing happened. Until, a slow, stuttering whine rose from the walls. An energy pulse arced out of the floor, hitting Ahsoka squarely in the chest. Her body jerked into paralysis as the current ran along it. Pain shot from her toes through her lekku and the world bent inside out.

There was a screech and the pulse sputtered into a weak sizzle, before popping out of existence. Ahsoka clutched at empty air for stability and then toppled onto the cold metal floor.

She curled up, burning throbs cascading through her body. After a couple of minutes, her pain control took the edge off, and Ahsoka’s mind shot into awareness as new images darted across it.

Sleeping in content harmony. Barriss spitting venom. Longing lips moving over hers. Barriss giggling. Their bodies melding together. A feeling of utter completion. Promises made. And then lost. _No._

Ahsoka Tano remembered… everything.

_______

The ragged nomad crept through the canyons, senses alert to every movement. Her time was up. She could feel it.

Flattening herself into a rocky outcropping and gripping her staff, she scanned the area. _Where are you, my little friend? _

It was her own fault. Rather, it was Barriss Offee’s fault. That fool had travelled to a major agricultural settlement, where information would be plentiful. She had been cut off from civilization with no inkling of what was happening in the galaxy, no company except her terrible memories, and no idea if _she_ was still out there. After a year of hiding in the canyons of Ruusan, the loneliness, uncertainty, and isolation had been unbearable.

It hadn’t even been a fruitful trip. There was nothing but oppression and death cloaked in propaganda awaiting her. And no news of the woman she most wanted to hear about. There never was, yet she continued to search for a sign of the only person that mattered to her pointless existence. Now, the survivor she’d become was paying for Barriss Offee’s weakness.

They had found her once again.

_______

_Why didn’t she tell me? _Ahsoka stumbled into the blinding light of the midday sun and collapsed. _She cared about me, maybe even loved me. How could she?_

The memories hadn’t brought anything but more questions and so much more pain. _So close. I could have saved her. Stopped it all._

_And you both would have died with the rest of the Jedi._ She flinched. _No. She doesn’t get credit for that._ Barriss had played with her life not knowing what the end result would be. _Still… _ It had helped Ahsoka find her path apart from the Jedi—a hard path, a terrible one, but the correct path none the same.

Ahsoka numbly examined the moderate burns on her legs. She pulled out her medpac and started treating the injuries. The pain barely registered as her mind continued to spin. _Why me?_ The question remained, only now seemed even more inexplicable. Until, Barriss’ cryptic words from the interrogation recording snapped into clarity. _‘The Jedi ripped her away from me, and now I’ve ripped her from the Jedi. Ahsoka Tano is better off without us all.’_

Barriss apparently thought she was freeing Ahsoka from being corrupted by the Jedi and herself. Delivering her revenge, showing the galaxy the truth, and saving Ahsoka at the same time. _By getting me executed?! _

Lathering Bacta on her burns only surfaced more newly restored, bittersweet memories. The lacerations to her heart were worse than any physical wound. _Oh, why didn’t you just talk to me, Barriss? Why didn’t I make you tell me? Why couldn’t you ever let me in? _

Forcing a halt to the raging thoughts, she calmed her mind and worked through the haze of hurt and regret. A sliver of truth emerged. _What’s done is done._ Now, there was only one question that truly mattered to Ahsoka. _Is she still alive?_

_______

Her staff began shaking in spasming hands, lungs gulping breaths. Closing twitchy eyes, the woman attempted to gain control of her escalating paralysis.

_So be it. If you’re going to meet destruction courtesy of the part of you that refuses to die, then own it._ Yes, she would face her fate as… Barriss Offee. The decision brought an unexpected calm and every living thing sharpened into focus.

She sensed the incoming attack two seconds before it came. Pivoting off her staff, the woman vaulted toward the ridge above. A lightsaber grazed her leg as Barriss curved upward. Landing on the opposite foot, she squatted in a coiled crouch.

A figure in black sailed into view and touched down in front of her. His modulated voice cackled. “You won’t escape this time, vermin.”

Adjusting the grip on her staff, Barriss simply waited.

That apparently wasn’t good enough for the inquisitor, who circled her like a restless predator. “Did you really plan to take me out with a stick?” His face mask hissed open, and a harsh mouth sneered, “How the mighty have fallen.”

Slowly rotating on her good leg to match his positioning, she remained silent.

“Nothing to say at the moment of your destruction?” His lightsaber swished, second blade igniting. “What a disappointing hunt.”

His shoulder imperceptibly twitched, and Barriss sprung into the air. His saber slashed nothing but empty space.

Spiraling over his head, she delivered a Force-enhanced staff strike to the weak spot on his unprotected neck.

There was a scream as he collapsed.

Barriss arced down and crushed the end of her staff into his back, feeling the bones crack under its pressure. She cringed at the terrible sound of oncoming death. Death she had inflicted once more.

A strangled gurgle rose from the inquisitor’s throat. “Y-you will… pay.” The double-bladed saber spun out of his hand.

She dived away but not quite fast enough. One end sliced across her chest, piercing ribs. Agony exploded as she smashed into the rocky ground.

Laying on her side, Barriss watched the light leave his malevolent eyes. Closing her own, the full weight of her injuries overtook the adrenaline. She needed to get up, escape the deadly midday sun, and treat them. The window was short, if she wanted to survive.

Barriss didn’t move. She was so tired. Tired of running, hiding, being alone. Tired of the memories, the guilt, the pain. Tired of… living.

Perhaps, this was finally the moment. It was time for Barriss Offee to die.

_______

Ahsoka wandered aimlessly through the canyons of Ruusan, looking for what she didn’t know. It was simply a feeling. This was where she needed to be.

Her body seized up as a malignant presence registered. _An inquisitor._ Ahsoka had long ago learned what their aura felt like. _How would they have tracked me here?_

Shimmying along a rock wall, she scanned the area. A sudden scream echoed from above. _What?_

Assessing the terrain, she climbed to an outcropping. Ahsoka coiled and shot upward, igniting her lightsabers mid-flight. Flipping onto the ridge, she landed in a defensive stance, readying herself for an attack.

Instead, she saw two figures lying prone on the other side of the ridge. One was clearly an inquisitor. The other was wrapped in sherpa-like robes, face obscured by a thick hood. _Ok..._

Then, Ahsoka realized the inquisitor’s presence had vanished. Whoever the other person was had evidently killed him. _Impressive and concerning._ Anyone who could take out an inquisitor was a potential danger. Of course, anyone hunted by an inquisitor was also an exciting prospect. It might mean either a lost Jedi or a strong recruit for the Rebellion.

She reached out, trying to ascertain the aura around the unknown survivor. _Strange._ It was fuzzy and unreadable. Unsurprising, if this was a Force user on the run. Yet, something about the shield itself was familiar.

The figure shifted up as if sensing her probe but collapsed with a stifled cry.

Raising her sabers, she warily approached. “I’m not going to hurt you. Do you need help?”

The pile of robes stiffened and then a feeble voice rasped, “... Soka?”

She froze for a moment, joy and fear flooding her soul. Racing forward, she dropped to her knees and pulled back the hood. It was _her._ “B-Ba-Barriss. You’re here. I didn’t expect—” Ahsoka choked off, words lost in a tumult of emotion.

Cobalt eyes fluttered into view and gazed at her abstractedly. “Am I already dead and you’re my eternal retribution? Or, are you a mirage—my final torment from the Force?”

The question broke the mesmerized shock paralyzing her mind. _Barriss is… alive. And right in front of me. Ok, ok, ok. What now? Worry about everything later, Tano. We can’t stay here, especially if the inquisitor called for backup._

She began examining Barriss' injuries. “I’m neither.” Satisfied it was safe to move her, Ahsoka picked up the much too light woman, clutching her tightly. “And there’s no dying on the agenda. I’m not letting you give up this time.” Surprising herself, she meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwwright! Now, we're getting somewhere.  
Oh, and Chapter 3 is almost ready to go, courtesy of the holiday weekend in the U.S. known as Labor day. The day I /don't/ have to labor on.


	3. Hope and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss embark on a path of uncertain recovery.

Her eyes shot open. Sending them careening around, her heart thumped with frantic rapidity. _I’m on a ship._ She was laying on a stiff cot and her clothes had been replaced with a medical smock. Foggy breath filled a mask on her face. _What are they doing to me?! No. Never again._

Ripping off the oxygen mask, she jerked up, only to have spasms erupt in her chest. Crying out, her body toppled, limbs flailing over the side of the cot.

“Barriss! It's ok!” Someone grabbed her seesawing body and hauled it back onto the bed. “You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you. Please, don’t move.”

_Her_ voice. Head shooting up, bulging eyes fixated on unreal reality. _It is._ “Ahsoka,” she breathed. “You’re… alive.” Then, her brain spun nonsense. “Where did—how did—why are you—”

Fingers laid on her mouth. “I’ll explain later, ok? Right now, you need to rest and get better. You have serious injuries.” Strong hands stretched her flat and pulled a blanket up. “Please?”

She gawked at the impossible. Ahsoka. Ahsoka was here. _And she wants me to live._ Something emerged from the ashes of her heart. A feeling she’d believed long dead. _Hope._ That was the moment alleged truth became a lie. And she knew what she’d worked so hard to deny. Barriss Offee had never actually been gone at all.

With that knowledge came an acute need, one that had haunted her wretched existence. _Say it now._ She couldn’t take the chance of waking up to no one. Yanking a trembling hand from under the blanket, Barriss held it out with desperate resolve. “I’m sorry.”

Ahsoka’s expression fluctuated as she slowly took the hand. “We’ll talk about it after you’re recovered, alright? Don’t worry about any of that. Just sleep.”

Clutching the fingers holding hers, praying this wasn’t another dream, she croaked, “You promise? You'll be here when I wake up? You won’t… forget?”

The woman winced and then squeezed her hand. “Not this time. I promise.”

Her muscles weakened in relieved exhaustion. “Ok.” Closing parched eyes, Barriss Offee plummeted into sleep with no fear for the first time in years.

_______

“I’ve located the target and am currently… resolving the issue. I’ll be off-grid for a while. I’ll contact you when I have a resolution. Fulcrum out.” Ahsoka encoded the message and sent it to Bail.

He would be annoyed and concerned. It would also throw a wrench into ongoing operations, but she didn’t care. All that mattered right now was Barriss. _Huh._

Shrugging off the unexpected feeling, she headed back to her ship’s tiny medbay. It was really a sectioned-off area in the cargo hold with a few rag-tag pieces of medical equipment, a worktable, healing supplies, and a small cot. Like the rest of her heavily modified T-1 shuttle, and everything else Ahsoka owned, it served its purpose.

Decorations, sentimental flourishes, or any enhancements other than the practical weren’t luxuries Ahsoka Tano could afford. She was a ghost. Except for her lightsabers, the woman avoided thinking of anything as truly hers. That only made it hurt more when she lost them.

Barriss would probably be disappointed at the ship’s blandness. _The Barriss I knew, anyway._ The woman had always added a bit of flair to any space. Even her otherwise efficient and precise Temple quarters had been enhanced by a Mirialan shrine and tasteful artistic touches. It spoke to the uniqueness of the occupant, unlike most Jedi quarters, which were typically spartan and generic. _Except for Anakin’s._

Ahsoka halted outside the medbay and wrapped arms around her stomach. Her master’s room had always been a mess of half-repaired machines and parts, posters of pod racers slapped haphazardly across the walls. Tears burned behind her eyelids. _No time for that, Tano. Focus on the one that's still here._

Straightening, she crossed to the cot and gazed down at the sleeping woman. Snugging the blanket tighter around her shoulders, Ahsoka pushed a strand of hair off the clammy forehead. _You’re still beautiful._ Despite a too thin frame, dark circles under her eyes, and vestiges of hardship on the weathered face, her features retained their subtle elegance.

Though, it had always been something more—the way diamonds framed olive skin, the graceful movements of her lithe body, the serious and deep cobalt eyes. Ahsoka suspected it didn’t really matter why. It simply was. To her, Barriss would forever be… beautiful.

Releasing a long breath, she dragged a chair over to the cot and sunk into it. _How do I feel? I don’t know._ There was happiness and relief at finding her former friend alive, certainly. There was wariness and fear about the results. There was also the freshly surfaced hurt and sorrow of their past hovering. _Tano, you’re a mess._

Sliding forward, she trailed fingers along a waxy cheek. Whatever else was going on in her conflicted mind, hope and determination remained firmly entrenched. _We’re going to figure things out somehow. I swear._

_______

“I need to check your injuries and apply another round of Bacta. Can I…?” She motioned at the currently hidden chest wound.

When they had first gotten to the ship, her mind had been operating in a daze of tunnel vision. Ahsoka barely remembered stripping Barriss’ outer clothing and replacing them with a medical gown. She’d cleaned and treated the injuries on autopilot, focused purely on getting from point A to point B. This morning was the opposite. Her senses were alert to any movement, expression, and word. Each stray feeling was heightened. And, in this moment, all she wanted to do was look at every inch of the woman’s body.

Barriss jerked assent. “I trust you.”

Returning a self-conscious smile, she rolled up the smock to just below Barriss’ breasts, being careful not to reveal them and make things more awkward. Courtesy of her newly recovered memories, Ahsoka’s mind conjured those same breasts as her excited mouth caressed them. _Control, Tano! _

That command was useless, since the first task required roving past the woman’s scantily clad lower regions to inspect the leg wound. It ran from calf to thigh and keeping her eyes from drifting required a gargantuan effort. A new image of her tongue exploring presently unseen spaces emerged. _Stop!_ Shoving the memories as far away as possible, she hurriedly applied Bacta. “This one is healing nicely. I’m going to leave it unbandaged for a bit. It’ll probably benefit from being less constricted.”

“Whatever you think best,” was the quiet response.

“K, all set. Just be careful not to knock it against anything.” She moved to the more critical injury penetrating the ribs. That was when Ahsoka finally noticed what her previously disconnected brain had missed. There were faded scars scattered across Barriss’ stomach and abdomen, some arcing out of sight to her back. They looked inflicted by some type of thin, narrow whip but had the erratic edges of an electrical burn. _What did they do to her?!_

Slender palms squashed against the cot’s bedding, fingers crumpling the sheet fabric. “So, you’ve become quite a medic,” Barriss remarked lightly.

“Oh, uh, cost of living these days, I suppose.” Examining swollen skin around the saber strike, her breath hitched. Edges of more scars peeked out of the bunched-up gown, clearly originating from the breast area. Ahsoka’s veins pulsed, teeth grinding pain to her temples. _I’ll kill whoever did this._ Pivoting away, she pretended to review the readout on the medscanner, until regaining control. Turning back around, she put brightness into her voice. “Definitely better than yesterday. The bones have started repairing themselves. You might be up and about in another few days.”

There was a groan. “You say that like it's happy news. I haven’t laid in one place this long since… well, I really can’t remember.”

Snorting, she gently traced Bacta over the wound. “You sound like me.”

“No need to add insult to injury.”

Ahsoka chuckled and glanced up. “Wait a minute. Did Barriss Offee just make a joke? Because, naturally, being like me would be her life goal.”

A slight grin formed and then her eyes softened. “I could never be you, no matter how hard I tried.”

She stared for a moment, before awkwardly quipping, “Yep, it’s a tough job being Ahsoka Tano.” Returning attention to the battered chest, she attempted to focus through her wobbling nerves.

Silence fell, until Barriss asked, “Has it been? Have things been… bad for you?”

Her fingers stuttered over the wound. Considering briefly, Ahsoka chose honesty. “Depends on the day, but I guess the answer is yes.”

“I’m sorry,” came the strained reply. “I mean not only for what I did. For everything else you’ve had to endure too. It can’t have been easy after you lost—after the Jedi fell.”

Ahsoka flinched but managed a half shrug. “It made me who I am.”

“And who is that?” Barriss responded tremulously.

She met the pained gaze. “Ahsoka Tano.”

A shaky hand lifted as if to reach out but only hovered a few inches off the cot. “That’s something, I suppose. Still, I wish it hadn’t happened. I wish I had—” Her hand dropped and curled into a fist. “Too late now. It’s too late for anything.”

Ahsoka exhaled and put the Bacta to the side. Placing a hand on the woman's face, she turned it to look directly into her eyes. “It’s never too late. I told you. We’re going to talk about things. It may be hard. We might get angry, sad, or anything really. That’s ok. Because, what I said all those years ago on Ruusan is still true. We'll figure it out. Together.”

Barriss stiffened and then blinked rapidly as shallow breaths came and went. “You—you remember?”

Rubbing her thumb across the diamonds, Ahsoka murmured, “Yes. I remember _everything_.”

Joy and misery lit up in equal measure. Tremors ran over Barriss’ body, matching the erratic rise and fall of her chest. “I did—it may not seem like it but I was—I… loved you.”

Ahsoka gazed down at her, heart aching. “And I loved you. I just wish you had believed it.”

Her eyes squeezed shut as tears streaked the sallow cheeks. “So, do I.”

_______

Barriss gingerly prodded her still raw but healing wounds. _She did a good job._ Sliding legs over the side of the cot, she tried standing. Pain tinged her chest, but it wasn't debilitating this time. _Excellent._

Taking careful steps, the woman hobbled from one end of the cramped medbay to the other. It felt good to simply move. Soon, she would be fully mobile, which meant making decisions. Her next one was clear. Ahsoka deserved an explanation, or whatever would help her resolve the past.

_Then what?_ Supporting herself on the back of a chair, she considered. Barriss didn’t know where they currently were to gauge options but going back to Ruusan was dangerous. Presumably, Ahsoka had gotten them out of the system after seeing the inquisitor presence. _I hope. Guess I should ask. Huh. _Normally, that would have been her first concern. But the usual anxiety and fear wasn’t there. Not when she had Ahsoka._ It never was._

For a wonderful moment, she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to have that feeling everyday. Despite Ahsoka’s kindness to the person who had destroyed her life, it was too much to hope that the woman would let her stay for a while. Though, Barriss wanted it desperately.

Knowing Ahsoka was alive had been a gift she never thought to have. Seeing her again hit another level entirely. Being cared for by anyone, much less _her_, was so unreal as to make Barriss occasionally suspect she was still on the canyon ridge, slowly dying in delirium. _It’s all more than I deserve. That should be enough, Offee. _But it wasn’t.

She knew why her heart demanded more, of course. The feelings had only been heightened by loss and regret over the years. The new Barriss—the one forged in the fires of guilt, isolation, and torment—understood what she hadn’t in her anger-fueled, depressive haze during the Clone Wars. The truth she’d seen for a shining moment on Ruusan and then pushed away like a fool.

Barriss Offee belonged to Ahsoka Tano._ I always will._

On top of that, not being alone had brought a renewed sense of strength to her soul. Going back to her pathetic existence of the last several years caused stabs of misery. _Maybe she’d let me help in whatever she’s doing now? If I could show I’m useful? Or, we could just talk here and there? Anything._ Simply having Ahsoka in her life again, no matter what form it took, would be Barriss’ equivalent of paradise.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

Barriss spun around too quickly. Her ribs buckled, and a wave of dizziness distorted her balance. She flailed at the chair, accidentally putting weight on her injured leg, and began to pitch forward.

Strong arms arrested her tumble. Locking hands around Ahsoka’s neck, she pulled her body upright. Once the stinging pain calmed, Barriss found herself staring into worried blue eyes. “Sorry,” she mumbled, “I only wanted to move a little. I thought I was stable.”

Ahsoka’s grip on her waist tightened. “Well, no more testing the theory when I’m not here, ok?”

The steady embrace, captivating face, smoky timbre of her voice, even the taste of hot breath and faint aroma of engine grease created pure intoxication. Every sense _bled_ Ahsoka. She struggled to deliver a light response, which came out as a husky, “Guess you’ll need to stay with me at all times, then.”

Licking her lips, Ahsoka removed a hand from her bracing hold. It floated up and brushed stray wisps of hair from Barriss’ forehead. “You’re still beautiful, you know.”

Her pulse spiked as every nerve began firing off in unison. “So, are you. Except… more.”

They gazed unblinkingly into each other’s eyes, until Ahsoka cleared her throat. “Um, right, let’s get you back into bed.” She helped Barriss over to the cot.

Heart slamming against itself, Barriss remained riveted on the other woman. She settled onto her side and watched Ahsoka clean up the tray of food she’d dropped to catch her. Near palpable pain of the past swirled through the air between them like an open wound. _Close it. Give her whatever she needs to move on. Whether it hurts you doesn’t matter. All that matters is her. _“Can we talk about things now?”

Ahsoka jerked and then slowly set the remnants of their uneaten lunch on a table. Her jaw twitched, fingers curling and uncurling. “Ok, let’s talk.”

_______

“Yes, once the Jedi had been—the war ended, Palpatine recruited me but not quite how you’re thinking. I did learn many of his inquisitors were former Jedi. However, he had also gathered a separate group of untrained force sensitives, who weren’t officially part of the inquisitorial ranks at the time. In fact, they were disdainful of what they referred to as the weak Jedi dogs and their mechanical master. I never interacted with the already operational inquisitors, so I don’t know who they once were or how skilled they might be.”

“Skilled enough,” Ahsoka put in flatly.

“I see.” Barriss circled fingers over her aching forehead. “Anyway, I assumed Palpatine wanted operatives without Jedi baggage as well as a steady supply of replacements. Or, perhaps, he had other plans for them. For all I know, it was simply an experiment. Only he seemed to be aware of this unaffiliated group’s existence. I have no idea if that’s still the case.”

Her expression was distant and contemplative. “Interesting.”

“I guess my extensive combat experience, easy access imprisonment, and total isolation made me the perfect choice to further his goals without risking exposure.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, before adding, “The Emperor also found my ability to hold my own against your master worthy of notice.”

Ahsoka looked away and rubbed her arm. She shifted in her chair. “So, what were these goals that involved you?”

Barriss flattened palms against her sheet with a grim smile. “A secret group of inquisitors requires a secret trainer. After several rounds of… persuasive measures, I agreed to teach them saber and other aggressive fighting forms. Once one managed to kill me, I imagine he would have taken that as a sign his new acolytes were ready. Or, maybe he thought I’d fully invest given enough time, indoctrination, and torment. If so, he was sorely mistaken. I was angry and bitter, but what Palpatine wanted I could never give, no matter how much pain his minions inflicted.”

A vein pulsed in Ahsoka’s neck. Leaping up, she hugged her stomach and leaned against the medbay wall. “Why was that?”

“I was still justifying everything I’d done as for the greater good, to save everyone. Becoming an agent of the very evil I’d gone to such extremes to combat would have meant giving up that belief. If he had succeeded, I think I would have simply died. As misguided as it was, that delusion kept me going.” She fixed on a rusty bolt in the panel above her cot. “It took a long time for me to realize my actions simply pushed the galaxy and the Jedi further into destruction, while killing innocents in the process. I was just as blind as them.”

A heavy silence ensued, until Ahsoka’s hoarse voice broke it. “How did you escape?”

“Every few days, Palpatine had me dragged from my cell to torture or otherwise put to use. The prison guards were primarily clones, so I was intimately familiar with their mode of operating. I always obeyed their instructions to the letter and presented myself as a compliant prisoner. Over time, it degraded their vigilance. My escort was steadily reduced from a dozen to four. Eventually, I had the rotation schedules timed and security weaknesses identified. They apparently also didn’t remember I’d already memorized the schematics of that same prison in a prior infiltration.” She shuddered at the memory of what led to that knowledge.

There was no response except an unsteady exhale.

Barriss hurried to the end, “On a summons, I overpowered my guards at the most advantageous moment, leaving a false trail to suggest I was running blindly toward the watchtower. In actuality, crawling through ventilation shafts got me out fairly quickly. Then, it was merely a matter of getting off-planet, before they had a chance to realize their error and saturate the city with search teams.”

“How?” Ahsoka sounded doubtful. “They would’ve been able to track you on a transport, assuming you had identification and credits to take one. Even hiring a smuggler or stealing a ship would have been risky and time-consuming.”

A knot formed in her stomach. “I had a decommissioned V-19 fighter hidden on Level 1315. Fortunately, it was still safely secured in the ‘no questions asked’ storage space I’d purchased. It took me a few hours to get there, prep it, and manufacture a false identity signature. But I imagine they weren’t focused on single-man fighters leaving the planet at that point.”

There was a pause, before the natural next question came, “And you had a ship already stashed away because…?”

The knot exploded and nausea overpowered her senses. _I can’t. Not that part yet. It’s too much at once. _Attempting an even tone, she responded, “Can I defer that answer? It’s related to… something else.”

Fingernails tapped a wall. “Alright. You’re off Coruscant, on your secret ship, a galaxy in front of you. Then what?”

“Then, nothing. I just ran. I’ve lived, if it’s called living, so many places I can’t remember them all. My existence is simply staying one step ahead of the killers I trained. Ruusan was actually the longest, due to the impenetrable terrain and local wildlife. Until, I couldn’t handle the isolation and visited a settlement. I knew better. It’s always one I trained that finds me. I think I’m an obsession for them. Perhaps, because they hated being bested by a ragged prisoner, who they never got revenge on.” She bit out a short laugh. “Unfortunately for them, their instruction was substandard. In fact, you might say their teacher got twisted enjoyment from subtly introducing flaws into their technique.”

A weak reply came, “I see.”

Head splitting and chest burning with the exertion of reliving the past, Barriss forced herself to finally look back at Ahsoka. She winced at the expression of suppressed pain and determination rekindled. “I want to explain why. I’m not sure if it’ll make sense to you. It hardly does to me. But I want to try.”

Ahsoka’s eyes roamed around the medbay. “You told yourself you were saving the Jedi, the citizens of the Republic, and… me.”

Barriss blinked. “Yes, but—”

“That’s not really _why_ you did it.” Her wandering gaze returned to Barriss. “What was?”

“It—” A blasting klaxon rang out.

Ahsoka shot off the wall. “Stay here.” Then, she vanished at a run.

_Oh, not happening._ Throwing off the near crippling exhaustion, Barriss pushed herself up and stumbled from the medbay into a cargo area. She surveyed the hold, spotting an exit door on the far side. _Of course, you’re all the way over there._

Finally reaching the corridor, she braced throbbing muscles against a wall. Her eyes scanned, while her mind analyzed the structure, lines, and panel style. _Modified T-1? Forward cockpit._

Steadying her balance and running through pain control techniques, she set a course for Ahsoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... both of our gals are struggling these days, huh? Hopefully, they can find some closure of the past and not fall victim to their present in the meantime.


	4. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss come to terms with the past and take their first steps into the future.

Ahsoka cursed. An Imperial light cruiser was sitting off starboard. _Where did you come from?_

“Unidentified ship, you are in a restricted sector. Transmit your authorization to operate in Imperial space.”

_Restricted? Since when?!_ The woman flicked fingers at the comm as she leapt into her seat. “This is Transport Shuttle Morai, en route to the Malastare system and then on to Sullust.” Scrambling to load her identity listing, Ahsoka’s stomach dropped. _No._ She’d neglected to pull the latest codes from her intelligence network in all this obsessive chasing down of the past. _Getting complacent, Tano. That’s how people die. Maybe today._

“Shuttle Morai, transmit your authorization immediately.”

Chewing the inside of her mouth, she punched the button. “Transmitting authorization now.”

“Hold, Morai.”

Ahsoka switched off the line and held her breath. There was no way to know whether the older code had expired or been identified as stolen.

“We’re in trouble, aren’t we?”

She twisted around to the cockpit door. “What are you doing here?! I told you to stay put.”

“I’m not going to lie around, while you face down people who want us both dead, Tano.” Barriss lowered herself into the co-pilot’s seat, badly hiding a wince. “Besides, I can help.”

Ahsoka growled. “If I didn’t have a heavily armed Imperial cruiser in front of me, you’d be getting hauled back to your bed posthaste.”

There was a snort. “If you didn’t have an Imperial cruiser in front of you, I’d never have left my bed. Now, listen. When they come back, say you’re going to hand them off to your superior. As in, me.”

She stared at Barriss, unwelcome paranoia flaring. _What if this is all a setup?_ The coincidental arrival of a cruiser in an untrafficked sector. The severe but not deadly injuries from an unseen attack. The one person that might break through her usual caution. The same woman who'd just admitted to being recruited by Palpatine. _No, don't be stupid. You see traps everywhere these days. The timing and foresight to pull it off is absurd. _Still, the irrational idea had cast a seed of doubt in a heart scarred from too many betrayals. _No, you felt her pain and regret. Yeah, exactly what a spy skilled at manipulation would want you to feel. No, don't do this to yourself! It's ridiculously convoluted. Yeah, like Palpatine. Stop it!_

The ship rocked as a tractor beam locked onto them. “Blast!” Ahsoka rolled the engines to full power and charged her weapons. Her best hope was to take out their tractor assembly. If they were dragged into the cruiser, it would mean close quarters fighting against huge numbers. Ahsoka wasn’t sure she could protect the injured Barriss and devise an escape at the same time. _Assuming Barriss needs protection. Shut up!_

Her comm crackled to life. “Transport Shuttle Morai, your authorization is invalid. Power down your engines and prepare to be boarded upon arrival. You have ten seconds to comply or we will open fire.”

A hand shot out and grabbed hers. “Ahsoka, I know you don't have a reason to trust me. Actually, it's the opposite. But I swear I'm not going to give away your identity or,” her voice hitched, “otherwise betray you. I will _never_ hurt you again. Please, trust me for just the next two minutes.”

She gazed into the pleading eyes, trying to sense the intentions beneath them. However, her own mind was muddled, coated with both fear and hope. Taking a deep breath, she stretched out with her feelings. A simple question returned. _Who do you want to be? _Ahsoka smiled. _Myself. _Letting go of the doubt, she opened the line. “Cruiser, be advised, I am transferring you to my superior for further authorization.”

Barriss scanned the read-out on the enemy ship and then straightened. When she spoke, there was an air of cold authority in her tone. “Cruiser Repulse, this is Major Tan Sokaat of the Interior division. I commend your identification of our false cover clearance. Others have not been as astute. You will now release this ship and continue your assigned reconnaissance patrol.”

There was a brief silence at the other end, until a more hesitant response came, “Major Sokaat, we require verification.”

“Not an unreasonable request. However, it is quite impossible. We are under P-66 protocols.” Her inflection took on a subtly menacing amusement. “Of course, you can certainly choose to delay our mission, hold us as common criminals, and request our classified authorization from the ISB. Or, perhaps, you’d rather contact…” She let a heavy pause hang in the air. “... their superior?”

Now, a long silence greeted them. Then, a new, slightly panicked, voice burst into the cockpit. “That will not be necessary, Major. I hope you will make a note of my crew’s diligence.” The tractor beam disengaged. “Do call on us, if we can be of any assistance.”

Barriss smirked, and her tone reverted to dismissive arrogance. “I may consider your actions in my report, Captain. You will eliminate any trace of this encounter from your logs. Sokaat out.” She flipped the comm off and slumped back into the seat. Holding her ribs, she shifted sideways toward Ahsoka, laying her cheek against the headrest. “See? All good. Though, we shouldn’t push our luck.”

She grinned, heart slowing its wild palpitations. “Yes, ma’am.” Ahsoka began programming coordinates into the navicomputer. “How did you know that would work?”

“I used it successfully once before, when I was cornered near Dantooine. P-66 was the code denoting my transfers, among other orders my guards shouldn’t have discussed around me. I think it’s a high-level classification for anything involving the Emperor. It could have been discontinued by now, but I've noticed Imperials are creatures of habit. They still utilize many of the military protocols from the Clone Wars, as well. The ISB I threw in for good measure. Everyone is terrified of being judged disloyal in the Empire. Granted, the bluff would probably only work on middle management, such as the commander of a light cruiser relegated to outer rim reconnaissance. They’re high enough up to recognize the import, but low enough down to be paranoid about their chances of surviving a mistake.”

“And Tan Sokaat?” She pulled back the lever and stars warped around them.

There was a hollow chuckle. “My one and only friend on the run. I had to leave her behind on Lothal, when they found me. I don’t even know how long ago that was.” A choked voice whispered, “She was a tooka-cat.”

Locking in the autopilot, Ahsoka turned to Barriss. The woman was practically falling out of the seat, pained exhaustion etched across her face.

Miserable cobalt eyes gazed at her. “After that, I never made the mistake of getting attached to anything ever again.”

Exhaling deeply, Ahsoka slid arms under Barriss and cradled the woman against her chest. As they returned to the medbay, she murmured, “I know.”

_______

“Do you want to… finish our conversation from yesterday?”

Ahsoka slowly chewed the rest of her ration bar as she cleaned up the remnants of breakfast—if you could call it that. Her meals usually consisted of heavy doses of caf. She’d made a special effort for Barriss by finding the only thing in her food supplies resembling breakfast items. That ended up being Jogan juice, highly suspect jam, and some crusty pieces of bread. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?”

Giving a wan smile, Barriss said, “Hard to say. It’s been an overwhelming few days. I do know I want to try and explain, though.”

A bit surprised at the candid response, her mind tossed out conflicting emotions. Talking about things was clearly hurting Barriss. Even now, distress prickled the edges of the woman’s essence. Of course, so did determination. A part of Ahsoka still needed answers, while another was tempted to ignore the past altogether. _What do I really want? _

_I don’t want to lose her again._ She rolled the surprising answer around in her head. _Yes._ If there was even a slim chance of hanging on to an apparently reformed Barriss, Ahsoka couldn’t let it slip through her fingers. _I suppose we can’t move forward without putting the past behind us._ “Ok, but don’t overdo it. Dragging yourself around the ship and playing a menacing Imperial didn’t exactly aid your recovery.”

“Well, it’s better than being dead.” There was a tentative grin.

Ahsoka snorted. “Can’t argue with that.” Taking a seat, she steeled her nerves. “Alright, let’s see how far we can get.”

_______

Barriss twisted her fingers together, fatigue creeping into every muscle. _Almost there, Offee._ “I couldn’t go on but couldn’t see my way out. The other option was giving up the only life I’d ever known, failing my master’s faith in me, leaving you behind, ignoring everything I thought I believed in. It felt like a feedback loop I couldn’t escape. Leaving the Order meant I’d be alone, lost, and scared forever. But, if I stayed, my soul would be destroyed. I channeled my anger and helplessness into something I thought would make it all stop.”

Ahsoka rubbed hands over her face and began pacing in aimless circles. “We’ll discuss your supposed options in a minute. First, explain how you got from there to taking me down with you. I kinda get the whole saving me in your head but, if you truly loved me, how could you stand to do it? I might have died!”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen!” she cried. “I just wanted you to see what I saw!” Her stomach roiled as the paralyzing nausea from yesterday made a violent reappearance. “Give me a moment, please.”

If there was a reply, she couldn’t hear it. Air rushed through her ears as blood pumped faster. Closing her eyes, Barriss worked through the chaos. _This is what she really needs to know. For better and for worse. You can handle it. You can handle anything for her._ Opening her eyes, she returned them to Ahsoka. “Sorry. I’m ready now.”

Her expression was strained as she resumed pacing. “You know what I’m asking.”

“Yes,” Barriss whispered. Steadying her nerves, she leapt over the edge and words rolled out, “I didn’t intend for you to take the blame originally. You weren’t even there, remember? After you were called back, things went sideways. I had to adapt my plan on the fly. You caught Letta. Then, she unexpectedly asked for you, and I c-couldn’t handle you finding out. It was just… terrible panic. I wasn’t trying to frame you then. I didn’t blank the audio on that recording. I got you out, so you could run. But you kept investigating! And involved Ventress, no less. Then, the Council threw you to the wolves so quickly! Everything spun out of control.”

“Confessing wasn’t on the agenda, huh?” Ahsoka commented sharply.

“I almost did on several occasions, but the thought of you knowing what I’d done…” She shivered. “When your master caught me, I think I fought him like a crazed rancor because I couldn’t stand to watch him tell you. Of course, that’s exactly what happened. Your face after my confession was—it still haunts me.” Her vocal cords compressed into a wheezing rasp. “I can’t say for sure, but I believe killing Letta and you being blamed for it is when I completely gave into the darkness of my mind. I decided to turn it all into an opportunity. Instead of hoping you’d see the truth in the aftermath, I could show you more effectively by using the Jedi’s appalling lack of faith in you. Then, you’d be free.”

“By being executed?!”

“No! I was going to break you out! I’d already designed an infiltration and egress plan, even set-up an untraceable account with every credit I had. Then, you could start a new life and—” Barriss halted at the irrationality of it. It sounded crazy. It was crazy. _Who were you?_

The woman stopped her restless tread, lips parting. “That’s why you had a ship. It was supposed to be for me, wasn't it?”

Barriss nodded wretchedly. Her limbs trembled, but she pushed forward. “My head wasn’t… right. It’s as if I was floating outside of myself, not processing properly. I wasn’t hurting you. I was helping you. You'd understand once you were free and be happy. It was all a lie, of course.” Her voice cracked as she added, “Sometimes, I wonder if what I did to you was really me trying to free myself from the only goodness left in my life. The one thing I could never have.”

“Me,” she replied hoarsely. Her expression flattened, body tensing. “And if your brilliant plan had gone off, I got to live on the run forever? That’s not freedom or happiness, Barriss. What if it _hadn’t_ worked and you got caught trying to get me out? Or, they changed my security? Were you prepared to kill more people to accomplish this rescue mission that was only necessary because of your—” Her mouth slammed shut, and she drew several slow breaths through her nose. When Ahsoka spoke again, the anguish in her tone pierced Barriss’ heart more than anger ever could. “There _was_ another option. You knew there was. You could have discussed how you were feeling with me, Luminara, anyone. It didn’t have to be all or nothing. If you’d just _talked_ to me…”

She mashed knuckles into the sides of her head. “I couldn’t. Being myself was never good enough. Even if my entire life hadn’t revolved around being a self-sufficient, perfect Jedi, always in control, it—Do you know how hard it was to let you in on Ruusan? It felt like throwing myself off a cliff. I did it anyway, and it was… wonderful. For the first time in neverending misery, I had hope. Then, it was ripped away. Every worst fear came true.”

“That wouldn’t have happened if you had just told me the truth afterward!” Her pitch lowered. “That actually _would_ have made me happy.”

“I didn’t believe that, Ahsoka!” Barriss dug fingernails into her palms. “The code said I was wrong to even want you. Being with me would have ruined your life. You were an exceptional Jedi and I was… It was too late for me. You deserved better. And I knew I’d lose you one way or the other. Just once was already too much. I didn’t think I could survive it twice.”

Ahsoka massaged her temples. “Alright, let’s take a break. We don’t have to resolve all of the past at once.”

Her overtaxed mind tottered between relief and madness. Barriss rubbed throbbing ribs as her body came down from its self-induced adrenaline high. _Not yet. _“I’ll tell you anything else you want to know, but c-can I tell you something I want you to know?”

“Of course. I want to hear whatever you need to say, as well.”

She fixed a steady gaze on Ahsoka. “It took years to understand myself, but now I do. I did terrible things and coming to terms with those mistakes almost overwhelmed me. Yet, realizing I hurt you is what nearly killed my soul. It still does. You were the only light I had, and I put it out. I don’t expect or deserve forgiveness. But you deserve so much.”

The woman opened her mouth, but Barriss hurried on, before her nerve could fail her, “The person I became back then is not me anymore. She never should have been. I can’t change that part, but I do want to show you who I am now. I thought maybe I could update you on my various locations, if you need something. Whether it’s helping you in an occasional venture, meeting up to talk, or even tracking down a spare part for your ship doesn’t matter. Anything you want. Please, will you give me a chance to show you that I can be what I should have been?”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. Then, she crossed the medbay and grabbed her hand. “You _have_ shown me. Don’t think I couldn’t feel what you’ve been pushing through. That told me everything. The old Barriss would hardly admit to being tired, much less share her torment. The one time she did, it was… amazing. All I ever wanted was for you to let me in. You just did.” She tightened their fingers. “I know I’ve gotten upset some as we talked, but that’s more me coming to terms with things in my own head, now that I have the answers to do so. It doesn’t mean—what I’m saying is that I've _already_ forgiven you.”

Barriss gasped as hot tears burned up from her soul. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Stop saying that. It wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. You may not believe it at the moment, but you will. I’m going to make you believe it. Oh, speaking of things you’re wrong about, you’ll give me your next location? Really? If you think you’re relocating anywhere but here, we’re going to have serious issues.”

The room spun in sudden vertigo. “Are you—you want me to stay? W-why would you?”

Ahsoka gripped her face, locking intense eyes on hers. “You listen to me, Barriss Offee. The past is done. This is the future. We’ll work through whatever else we need to from the past, so it doesn’t impact our future. Then, we’ll decide what that future looks like. It might take some time and certainly won’t be perfect. But that’s ok, as long as we figure it out together. That means we only need one thing to move forward. You promise to talk to me about what you’re feeling, and I promise to be here for you. Deal?”

Her mouth opened but nothing came out. It couldn’t be possible. _Is this real?_

A cheeky grin flashed. “Hmm, I’m going to take that dazed stare to mean we have an agreement.”

_I don't care if it's real. _Barriss gazed up at her, heart drumming joyful refrains. “D-deal.”

There was a relieved exhale and then lips brushed her forehead. “That’s more like it.”

_______

Ahsoka unscrewed the handgrip from the ringed emitter. Examining both ends, she located the crystals. _Hmm._

“What are you doing?”

She flipped around from her worktable and scowled. “I see the stubborn patient is wandering around against her doctor’s orders yet again.”

Barriss hissed a breath through her teeth. “I’m nearly healed, Tano. If I don’t start moving more, I’ll forget how to walk! Besides,” she added dryly, “wandering is an overstatement. It takes longer to get out of the cargo hold than to traverse the entire length of this ship.”

“Ack!” She threw a hand in the air. “A few days in and you’re already insulting the accommodations!” Performing a quick assessment of the woman, Ahsoka noted a slight favoring of her right side but otherwise she appeared stable. “I think you just get twisted enjoyment from disobeying my orders.”

Her eyes glinted. “Don’t be silly. That’s only a bonus.”

Ahsoka laughed. “Uh huh.”

Barriss grinned and hobbled into the engine room. “So, what are you working on?”

Brandishing the inquisitor’s weapon, she replied, “I’m trying to determine the construction.”

There was a slight frown. “You brought it with you?”

“Well, yeah. I’m not leaving a lightsaber laying around. Plus, I didn’t know if… Anyhow, I’ve never actually had a chance to examine an undamaged one.”

The woman raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t know what?”

Ahsoka winced. Barriss never did let an unfinished sentence go. “I guess I also wasn’t sure if you might want it.”

She stiffened. “Oh.”

“I mean we could redesign it however you like,” Ahsoka rushed out. “And you’d likely want to purify the crystals. Mine originally came from an inquisitor, as well.”

Her eyes darted around. “I don’t need one.”

“Barriss, my life is—” She ran words through her head, still hesitant to share her rebel existence. It was final, a commitment to this new reality that couldn’t be undone. “I’d rather not get into details at the moment, but the things I do don’t really avoid danger. If you’re going to travel with me, I want you to be able to defend yourself.”

Palms pressed against her thighs. “I can do that without a lightsaber. In case you don’t remember, I took an inquisitor down with only my staff.”

She grimaced. “Yes, and it was impressive. I’d take you and a staff over an entire squad of droidekas. I don’t mean you can’t survive challenging confrontations,” she added a teasing lilt, “especially with an opponent whose trainer took pride in teaching him badly.”

That got a small smile.

“Sometimes though,” Ahsoka continued, “there could be a sizeable number of blaster bolts flying at you or a need to defend innocents that get caught in the cross-fire.” Her voice wavered. “Despite your best efforts to prevent it.”

Concerned eyes flicked back to hers. “It’s not your fault—being a fugitive or anything else that’s happened. Everyone makes their own choices. If others chose to hurt innocents, that’s their guilt to carry, not yours.”

“I know,” she replied softly. “It doesn’t change the fact that people are dead, who would still be alive, if I hadn’t chosen their planet to hide on or tried to make things better. I didn’t help them.”

Barriss lifted a hand, but then it fell back to her side. “I understand. It’s terrible to watch people suffer, knowing you could stop it.” Her expression morphed into distant misery. “Yet, if you do, it only causes more suffering.”

Releasing an unsteady exhale, Ahsoka focused on the distressed face. She wasn’t sure if the sentiment referred to their shared past or an event experienced in her life on the run. _Follow up later, Tano._ Returning to the original point, she prodded, “Why don’t you want a lightsaber? Whether you need it or not isn’t the real issue, is it?”

Her gaze dropped to the floor. “I don’t think I’m… worthy of one.”

Ahsoka sighed. Setting the weapon on the table, she moved in front of Barriss. “Ok, I understand why you might feel that way. Doesn’t make it true, though.”

The woman dragged her head back up to Ahsoka. “What if it is true?”

She shrugged. “Then, it is. Only one way to find out, right? Whatever the answer, it doesn’t change anything. You’ll still be Barriss Offee and… my friend.”

Barriss sucked in a breath and misty eyes blinked repeatedly. “I don’t deserve—”

"Nope," Ahsoka interrupted. “None of this you don’t deserve things nonsense. What did I say about that?”

A lone tear rolled down her cheek. “This is the future. All that matters is who we are now.”

She ran the back of her fingers over the diamonds, wiping the tear away. “So, what do you think I’d say about whether you deserve a lightsaber?”

There was a choked laugh. “Alright. I’ll give it a try.”

Mouth twitching, Ahsoka raised stern eyebrows and pronounced, “Do or do not, young Offee. There is no try.”

She groaned. “Oh, shut up, Tano. If you’re going to throw Yoda at me, I’m so done.”

Ahsoka grinned. “How about we make a deal? I’ll refrain from regaling you with ambiguous Jedi adages and go fix us both some caf _very_ slowly. When I get back, you tell me whether Barriss Offee wants to build herself a lightsaber.”

Vacillating eyes gazed at her for a few moments, before resolving into determination. “Deal.”

_______

Thirty minutes later, a nervously hopeful Ahsoka strolled back into the workshop, carrying two mugs of steaming caf. Her heart jumped, and she almost dropped them.

Barriss was sitting cross-legged on the floor, blissful smile covering a peaceful face. Gazing up at Ahsoka, she opened her hand. Two pale yellow crystals shined radiantly. “They’re… mine.”

_______

“Ok, you can come in,” a voice called.

Ahsoka popped into the doorway and leaned against it with an appreciative sigh. Now fully healed, Barriss had a healthier, though still a tad lean, appearance. The dark circles and drawn pallor had completely faded. Even her weather-roughened skin had begun to soften, progressing toward the silkiness of their youth. Everything about the woman shined brighter.

Barriss smoothed wrinkles out of the form-hugging pants. “Thanks. These are perfect. I can’t believe you had something my size.”

“I’m glad you like them.” Ahsoka kept a supply of various clothing on the ship for refugees and was especially pleased at finding an outfit that accentuated the woman’s always alluring figure. _Excellent work, Tano. You’re both happy._

Stepping in front of the mirror, Barriss ran fingers through her freshly washed hair. The coal black tresses now spilled partway down her back but still shimmered like a night sky on Kashyyyk. Adjusting the thin shoulder straps of her top, she gave herself a small satisfied smile. “This outfit reminds me of my Jedi sleepwear you were such a fan of,” she commented teasingly, though there was a layer of tentativeness beneath it.

“Why do you think I picked it?” She flashed a far too flirtatious grin.

The olive skin flushed darker. Looking quickly back at her reflection, Barriss mumbled, “Well, I’m just happy to have clothes that aren’t unravelling for a change.”

Holding back another suggestive remark about preferring clothing that might fall off the woman at any moment, she replied quietly, “Only the best for you.”

Her eyes jerked to Ahsoka and then softened. “Thanks.” Rubbing her throat, Barriss gathered the ragged cut-off pants, sherpa robe, and underclothing she’d been sporting post-recovery.

Over the last week, Ahsoka had found herself gradually accepting this new reality. Something she'd lost had been restored to her. And, this time, she just might be able to keep what she'd found. Along with it came familiar desires. They were tempered by experience and paranoia, but the recklessness of her youth had also resurfaced. That Ahsoka didn’t care. She _wanted_ Barriss Offee. The woman she’d become was more wary. However, as the days went by, one side was steadily gaining ground.

Barriss held her discarded clothing, expression turning strange as she assessed the space.

“Something wrong?” Ahsoka had pointed out that Barriss couldn’t stay in the medbay indefinitely and suggested they share the only living quarters on board. The decision had induced both fear and excitement at potential results. Though, right now, excitement definitely had the edge. “I know it’s kind of boring, but I’m not much of a decorator.”

“It’s not that.” There was a slight smirk. “No wonder you want me around. You’ve probably been dying of tedium. I mean staring at white,” she paused to frown at a spot of grime, “mostly white walls day after day can’t be good for your mental health.”

She laughed. "Very well, Offee, you have permission to spice up my life. So, what _is_ the problem then?”

There was an awkward hesitation. “I… there’s only one bed. We can’t always sleep on opposite schedules. I could make up a spot on the floor for now, until we convert another space or figure something else out?”

“Hmm,” Ahsoka commented innocently, “that does seem like an oversight on my part.” Walking to the bed, she flopped onto it and grinned. “Guess we’ll have to make do together.”

Barriss froze. “Are—are you sure?”

She reached out her hand. “Do you know how long it’s been since I had someone to sleep next to?”

The woman slowly set her pile of clothes on the dresser. Barriss stared at them for a long moment and then straightened. Floating over, she slid a trembling hand into hers. “Probably as long as it's been for me.”

Ahsoka pulled Barriss onto the bed and wrapped an arm around her. “Yep.”

Her muscles relaxed, head tucking into Ahsoka’s shoulder. “I hadn’t forgotten, you know.” There was a happy sigh. “I've never felt alone when I have you.”

Tightening her embrace, she murmured, “Me too.” Closing her eyes, Ahsoka Tano fell into a restful slumber, more content than she’d been in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress!
> 
> Side note: According to Pablo Hidalgo, purifying kyber crystals is an unknown process as is the color outcome post-purification. Given the vague idea we've been given that the change in color is based on a crystal's bond/alignment to the force user possessing them, I went with that here. In my head, Ahsoka Tano is the only one that fits pure white crystals. It just... is. Of course, all of this could be incorrect if they ever decide to expand this concept more in canon.


	5. Heart and Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka grapples with her new reality, while Barriss works hard to keep her dream.

Ahsoka strode into the cramped kitchenette and squeezed past Barriss. Switching on the rinser, she scrubbed her grimy hands. “We’re on the list for refueling, but there’s a long line. It could take awhile.” She kept her tone casual, despite spiking anxiety. Sitting somewhere for too long was dangerous for both of them.

Barriss didn’t seem concerned as she puttered around. “Good. We’ll have time to eat. While you were fixing the thruster assembly, I ran out to the nearby market.” Not even looking up from whatever she was slicing, the woman added, “Don’t bother chastising me. I know it was a risk, but I’ve been surviving on less than appealing sustenance for a year now. And your idea of a proper meal consists of dehydrated noodles, stale bread, and decidedly suspect purple goo. We needed some real food, Ahsoka.”

She hissed a breath. “Next time at least tell me you’re going somewhere or wait for me to go with you.” A reluctant grin crept up. “And that _goo_ is high-quality jam, I’ll have you know.”

Twisting her head back, Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “I’d like to know your source for this supposed quality assessment.”

She sniffed. “The ‘Ahsoka Tano Guide to the Universe’, of course. It’s the definitive reference for all things jam.” There was a laugh in response, and Ahsoka’s heart soared at the increasingly more frequent sound.

Pulling out two plates, Barriss returned to the battered, pulsar wave oven, humming to herself.

Ahsoka’s stomach fluttered at the simple domesticity. She leaned against the sink, resisting an urge to slide arms around Barriss' waist and press kisses along her neck while she cooked. “You’re surprisingly chipper about two of the Empire’s most wanted fugitives stuck in a public landing bay.”

A delicious smell wafted into the air as Barriss lifted a steaming dish onto the counter. “Nothing we can do about it, so might as well take advantage. Go ahead and sit down. I’ll bring everything over.”

“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We might need to make a fast exit. Just give me a plate, and I’ll go to the cockpit to monitor.”

Barriss pinned her with a determined glare. “No. Not this time. There is quite literally nothing you can do at the moment. I cooked a meal, and we’re going to enjoy it together.” She stabbed a finger at the tiny table squashed into the side of the kitchenette. There were two settings and mugs already arranged on it. “Now, sit.”

She frowned. “It’s not safe—”

“Please, Ahsoka,” Barriss cut her off. “Let’s eat like normal people for once.”

Unable to handle the pleading expression, she relented. “Ok, I suppose that might be nice.” Taking a seat, her knee banged into the other chair._ Ow!_ She never used this table for a reason. Of course, Ahsoka barely used the kitchenette. Her diet consisted of caf and rations. Rubbing her throbbing knee, she commented, “Smells good. What is it?”

The woman brightened. “It’s a surprise.” Barriss delivered two plates containing something resembling meat glazed with brown sauce, accompanied by a side of sinewy greens. She poured Jogan juice into both mugs and then sat across from her. “The market selection wasn't exactly diverse,” she added with a hint of anxiety. “I hope you like it.”

An aroma of hot food filled Ahsoka’s nostrils as the solid fork in her hand registered. The last time she’d had a home-cooked meal, much less eaten at a table with someone, escaped her memory. _Forever ago._ Ahsoka had also forgotten the warm stability it evoked. She gazed at the source of the wonderful feeling. “I already do.”

Barriss rubbed her throat. “Don’t say anything until you try it.” A leg brushed hers under the table and then jerked away. She took a quick sip of her juice.

_Please, let me like this._ Barriss preferred more exotic fare and spices that set your mouth on fire. She steeled herself, preparing to do whatever was necessary to fake her way through loving it, if things went badly.

Taking a bite, Ahsoka realized she had a serious problem. It was _too_ good. The broiled meat retained a bit of rawness, exactly how she liked. It was tenderized just enough, and mild seasoning enhanced the flavor. This meal was tailor-made for Ahsoka Tano. One might think this wouldn’t be a problem at all, except that her emotions were now spinning into anarchy. She teetered between grabbing the woman up in her arms and making a mad dash for the cockpit. _Or maybe a cold shower._

Trying to distract her seesawing impulses, she began shoveling food into her mouth. It backfired as Ahsoka inhaled a much too large chunk of meat. Choking it down, she thumped her chest and chugged juice.

“Is it… ok?”

The tentative question saved her from the emotional death spiral. Focus snapping to Barriss, she smiled softly. “It is so much more than ok. It is _perfect._”

Happiness shined back from the cobalt eyes. “Only the best for you.”

_______

Finished camouflaging the ship, Ahsoka bounded back inside. They’d landed on an uninhabited moon and nestled themselves under rocky formations laced with scanner-resistant minerals. For once, she felt safe enough to relax, which meant joining Barriss for bed.

The woman set a course for their quarters. _Ours. Right. Hers and mine. Ours._ Her mind’s automatic assigning of the shared status produced pleasure but also a disconcerting anxiety. After two weeks with Barriss, creeping fear had started to invade everything. _What is wrong with you? _It didn’t make sense. Each day seemed better than the one before it. Yet, Ahsoka Tano was… terrified.

_I’m getting used to having someone—having her. What if I can’t cope with being alone again? _She halted mid-stride in sudden understanding. Deep down, Ahsoka expected to lose what she’d gained. Without knowing it, she had been biding her time, controlling her romantic impulses, and never fully committing her heart. _I’ve been waiting for the hammer to fall._ But it hadn’t. In fact, Barriss had clearly committed to this new life of theirs. _She’s redesigning the kitchenette for kriff’s sake!_

Ahsoka hadn’t realized how much the aching loneliness had tunneled out of her soul, until now. Still, trying to heal it only brought more scars. Having people she cared about and depended on never ended well. Loss, betrayal, and death stalked Ahsoka Tano like an assassin awaiting his chance to strike. At some point in the last few years, she had simply stopped giving him the opportunity. Even worse, the unsettling hole inside of her heart had resurfaced along with Barriss. It was a different kind of emptiness than being alone but just as painful. It was as if her heart and soul were crying out, unwilling to be ignored any longer. Perhaps, one she could handle. Both was too much.

_I’m afraid of losing her, but I’m afraid of having her. Tano, you have so many issues. _It felt like a point of no return. When inevitable catastrophe struck, she would be left with a desolate soul _and_ a permanent fissure in her heart. Then, everything that made her Ahsoka Tano might finally cease to exist. _But if you give up, who will you become? Which choice is the mistake?_

She scrubbed hands over her face. A calming thought surfaced from the mess of confusion. One fact was undisputed. Sleeping with Barriss still brought a soothing contentment, never fear. Pushing the emotional disarray into the recesses of her mind, she decided to focus on the only thing with any certainty. _I’ll figure my insanity out later._

As she sped to their quarters, a grin formed. It faltered upon reaching the door. “What’s wrong?”

Teary eyes looked up from a datapad, and Barriss wiped her face. “While I was making a supply list, I scrolled into the wrong folder on the terminal and there were files on…”

Ahsoka stiffened. _Are my intelligence communiques encoded?! Yes, of course they are. Ok. Then, what?_

Her lip trembled. “I saw you had gathered details on the status of—I wanted to see if…”

Brow furrowing, she crossed to the bed and peered over the woman’s shoulder. Her chest crunched at the haunting image of Luminara Unduli surrounded by stormtroopers. “Oh.” Taking the pad from her hands, Ahsoka laid it on the nightstand. She folded arms across her stomach and sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the fact that you wouldn’t know.” _You might have, if you hadn’t been avoiding thinking about it yourself._

“I tried to search for information, but there was nothing on the main holonets,” she replied vacantly. “It was dangerous to look too interested in Jedi, so I didn't go deeper.” Her head bowed. “Maybe I was just afraid to find out.”

Ahsoka mirrored the woman’s cross-legged position and lifted her chin. “It’s not confirmed. The reports say captured and _presumed_ executed. I never discovered a potential location, but that doesn’t mean anything. Luminara could still be alive somewhere.”

Barriss choked out a hollow laugh. “Do you really believe that?”

She stroked a thumb over olive skin. “I believe nothing is certain these days.” Ahsoka gave her a bright smile. “I thought you were dead for years after all.”

There was a feeble grin and then concerned eyes probed hers. “I saw the report about your—I’m sorry.”

Ahsoka flinched and had an urge to flee the room. _No. Stop running and accept what is._ Taking a cleansing breath, she stated, “Yes. Anakin is… dead.” The words sliced through her heart. “There’s a mountain of evidence, unlike many of the others,” she continued weakly. “I’m not sure whether to be grateful or bitter about the certainty.” _Does it matter? They’re all dead. Stop pretending. You’re accepting reality, remember? _A seed of defiance sprouted amidst the pain. _No. I can handle what is and still be me._ “Though, I think I’ll keep hope. Even if I never find out one way or another, they deserve at least that.”

The lines of her face tightened. “You’re right.” She leaned into Ahsoka’s chest. “We won’t give up.”

As she wrapped arms around Barriss, Ahsoka’s soul steadied. _No giving up, Tano._ She smiled. “Deal.”

_______

Ahsoka leaned a shoulder against a nearby wall and tried not to sigh as Barriss haggled with a seller over Jogan fruit of all things. The Mirialan tapped her forefinger against a cloaked thigh. It was a tell Ahsoka remembered well. Barriss was trying to decide if she should cut her losses or keep fighting.

_About time._ Barriss had already gotten the Gran down to a quarter of the original asking price. _What does she want? Him to pay her?_ They shouldn’t be hanging around for this long. Granted, there were criminals everywhere you turned on Nal Hutta, so two cloaked strangers arguing about fruit didn’t stick out. The problem was there were also criminals everywhere you turned.

“Somebody stop her!”

Ahsoka spun around, hand automatically straying to the sabers hidden under her cloak. The panic waned as she saw a scrawny girl weave in and out of the crowd, a burly Nikto giving chase. The child couldn’t be more than thirteen and looked half-starved. _Probably stole some food._ Her fists clenched.

_Don’t get involved._ Forcing her muscles to relax, Ahsoka watched the girl dodge through patrons and stands. At one point, a moving repulsorlift blocked her path, and she slid underneath it in one fluid motion. _Impressive._

Unfortunately, the child’s agility was outmaneuvered by numbers. Three more Niktos appeared from various points in the market and quickly worked her into a corner. The girl frantically scanned around for an escape, but there was only the sheer wall of a weapons emporium behind her.

One of them snagged her by the hair and jerked violently. “Where ya think you’re going, missy? Looks like we’ll be needin’ another round of obedience training.” He leered at her childish figure. “I’m going to enjoy that.”

She spit at them and struggled against the strong grasp to no avail. “You can pretend you own me. Do whatever you want to my body. But inside I am free. You can’t take that!”

Ahsoka was in motion before even processing the action. Muscling into the group, she drawled, “Hold on there, fellas. This one for sale? I like a little spunk, if you get my drift.”

They ogled her cloaked face and then glanced at each other. The burly one snarled, “She belongs to the boss. And he ain’t sellin’, til he’s had his fill. So, move along.”

“Hmm, I was worried you would say that.” Spinning into a flying kick, she connected it with his jaw. His head snapped back with a vicious crack, and he hit the ground. Turning attention to the one holding her target, Ahsoka flipped over his head and rammed a force-enhanced elbow jab to the back of his neck.

As he collapsed, she hissed at the girl, “If you need help getting off-planet, landing bay twenty-seven. Now, run.” The child stared and then took off.

The two remaining enemies had retreated to a safer distance and began firing blasters, pockmarking the wall behind her. Resisting the automatic urge to ignite her sabers and earn a lot more interest from every seedy resident of Nal Hutta, Ahsoka danced around the incoming blaster bolts. She winced as one managed to graze her shoulder. A wisp of smoke billowed from her cloak, and she patted out the embers in annoyance. _That’s gonna leave a mark._

Ahsoka cartwheeled across the space and planted both feet into the chest of the Nikto who’d ruined her favorite cloak. He bowled over, blaster skidding out of his grasp. Undaunted, he leapt up and charged her, punching wildly.

Locking hands around his wrists, she spun them around and flung him into the remaining enemy, who was busy angling for a clear shot. They both crashed into a nearby market stand, peppering the air with suspect-looking vegetables. The Niktos twitched slightly and then didn’t stir again to the dismay of an angry Quarren, who shook fists at them all amidst his demolished stand.

Ahsoka tossed him a few credits. “Sorry about the mess.” Running a tongue over her bloody lip, she searched the area for Barriss, but the woman was nowhere. _I get into a fight and she runs?! No. She wouldn’t leave me. Right? Wait. What if something happened to her, while I was distracted?_ Heart beating against her chest, Ahsoka lifted the communicator on her wrist only to find it had been damaged in the fight. _Blast it!_

_Ok, ok, ok. Think. Maybe she didn’t see where I went and headed back to ship?_ It seemed improbable, but the only place she could think of to check. Besides, despite everyone’s apparent disinterest in the altercation, whatever passed for security on Nal Hutta or more of the Nikto gang would probably arrive soon.

Rubbing her singed shoulder, Ahsoka hurried to landing bay twenty-seven.

_______

Barriss followed the child from a distance, observing her conversation with two men outside of the spaceport, who were definitely not denizens of Nal Hutta. They were smartly dressed in crisp black tunics with perfectly creased lines. Their postures were stiff and haughty. Standard-issue blasters graced the shiny holsters belted around their waists. _Imperial agents undercover._ She snorted to herself. _You’d think they’d get better at blending in after a few years._

They handed the girl a small stack of credits, and she grinned triumphantly. Her thrill at having money in her hand was palpable even from this distance. She sprinted away and vanished down a nearby street. _Perhaps, she only gets paid for results? _

The child was clearly practiced at her job but not quite good enough to fool Barriss. If Ahsoka hadn’t been in a furor, she might have noticed the facial bruising, grime-ridden fingers, lack of slave tattoos, and unkempt hair. All marks of a street urchin, not a slave servicing a crime boss, who preferred their property branded, pretty, and clean.

_I wonder if the Nikto work for her or for the Imperials? Is this a routine check to flag atypical market patrons or specifically designed to draw out hidden Jedi? Maybe the girl came up with it on her own, knowing Imperials will pay for useful information?_ Questions for later. Right now, it was clear the girl had told them enough to get paid. Which meant… She ground her teeth. _Ahsoka, please tell me you did not give that little spy our location._ Barriss rubbed her forehead. _Of course, she did._

Ducking into a nearby overhang, she considered options. Ahsoka wasn’t responding to her calls. The woman might still be in the marketplace looking for her or walking right into a trap.

Sudden fear gripped her soul. _What if they've already gotten her? No, that's improbable in more ways than one, Offee. An entire legion couldn’t take down Ahsoka Tano. Now, focus._

There was really only one choice. She wouldn’t lose Ahsoka, even if that meant facing an entire legion herself. Her mind might still have trouble believing this new life wasn’t a dream, but Barriss would continue to do everything in her power to ensure she never woke up.

Plus, if the Empire secured their ship, things would get complicated. Barriss knew what Ahsoka had yet to tell her. _I wonder if she has a remote wipe programmed for encoded files? Tano, we really need to talk about your security measures. Besides, I’m not losing our ship. I just finished redesigning the kitchenette._

Pulling her hood tighter and fingering her new lightsabers, she set a course for landing bay twenty-seven.

_______

As Ahsoka approached their bay entrance, her blood ran cold. The number of apparently random people milling around it was extreme. Their clothes and posture were all wrong for Nal Hutta. _Imperials._ Ducking behind a pillar, she scanned the entire area and spotted telltale white helmets just visible behind various stacks of crates scattered nearby. Her stomach dropped. _We’re surrounded._

Realization came full force. _I walked myself into another trap. Damn you, Tano. You and your hero complex. _The weary hurt attacked her soul once again. _This is why you need to stop caring. It never ends well._

Slumping against the pillar, she worked through options. The fear for Barriss was becoming overwhelming. _Please, please, don’t be in there._ Her throat choked at the thought of what she might have done.

Calming her mind, Ahsoka rested hands on her sabers, gripping the hilts tightly. _Whether she’s in there or not doesn’t matter. I can’t risk losing her._ Right as she was about to rush the door, a faint whisper echoed in her mind.

_‘Roof!’_

Jerking up, her jaw dropped. A cloaked Barriss waved and then ducked out of sight. Ahsoka exhaled as the painful knot in her stomach released.

She casually strolled along the side of the structure, until finding a cranny hidden from view. Half-climbing, half-jumping to the top, she landed in a roll. Not seeing Barriss, the woman crept around on all fours. She finally spotted a rectangular hole cut into the roof. Ahsoka smiled adoringly at it. _Barriss and her rectangles._

Looking through the opening, she laughed. It was positioned directly over the top of their ship. _Barriss Offee, one of these days I'm going to figure out my issues and kiss you. Then, you'd better watch out._ Grinning to herself, Ahsoka dropped down the hole.

_______

Blasting their way out of the spaceport proved easier than expected. Apparently, the Imperial ground presence on Nal Hutta didn’t include cooperation from the Hutts. At least not prompt aerial assistance, anyway, because no other ships attempted to interfere with their escape.

Engaging the hyperdrive, Ahsoka sagged into her pilot’s seat. “Well, that wasn’t exactly a successful outing.”

Barriss grunted. “Tell me about it. I didn’t get my Jogans.”

“Really? We just escaped an Imperial death trap and your concern is not being able to close on your hardcore negotiation over some fruit?”

She looked up from her reprogramming of the ship’s signature with a glare. “Fine. I don’t want any complaining when the fruit salad has no bite.”

Ahsoka hissed a breath through her teeth. “If you had just paid the Gran in the first place, we would have been out of there and none of this would have happened.”

Her eyes flashed. “Don’t even try to put this on me, Tano. You’re the one who decided to think with your lightsaber.”

Jerking forward, she punched on the autopilot. “We’re fugitives, Barriss. We can’t hang around in markets trying to get the best deal!” _Why are you starting an argument, when it’s your fault?_

There was the sound of buttons being stabbed and then finally a long exhale. “Alright, let’s not fight about it. I’ll try not to linger next time.” She paused, before adding hesitantly, “I just don’t have alot of credits, and I wanted—it was a silly risk, I know.”

Ahsoka stared. “You wanted what?”

Barriss looked back at her console and mumbled, “I wanted to make some Jogan fruit tarts as a surprise.” Slender fingers absently slid over the metal trim in front of her. “It’s one of the few deserts we both enjoy. Once I got the idea in my head, I guess I couldn’t let it go.”

“Oh.” She grimaced. “I didn’t mean to—it’s not your fault at all. Though, in future, you can just take whatever you need from my pack. If you’re going to cook me delicious meals, the least I can do is contribute some credits toward making them.” _Who are you kidding, Tano? If all she did was toss you a ration bar once a week, you’d buy her anything she wanted._ “Actually, I’d have paid you to leave early,” she ended lightly.

The corners of her mouth twitched. “I’ll keep extortion in mind for future monetary needs.”

Ahsoka chuckled. Massaging the smarting singe in her shoulder, she sobered. “I’m sorry. I should have known better. It’s always a trap.”

“You were trying to save a child. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Clenching fingers around the arms of her seat, she stared out the cockpit window. “I don’t know if that’s true. Especially since I clearly don’t have the ability to objectively evaluate, when I do. I can’t seem to help myself sometimes. It’s one thing when I’m only risking me.” Her voice trembled. “You could have been captured or k-killed because of my mistake.”

Barriss pried her fingers from their vice grip and held them. “Ahsoka, don’t. In a galaxy full of selfishness and cruelty, you still fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. It’s what makes you special. Despite everything you’ve endured, your sense of compassion and justice haven’t wavered. I wish I could say the same. Of course, then I would be you.”

She bit out a short laugh. “Not sure you should wish for that. It’s really not that great.”

Barriss rubbed a thumb over Ahsoka’s knuckles. “Look at me, please.”

Ahsoka dragged reluctant eyes to the intense cobalt ones beside her. “What?”

“You did the right thing. It turned out to be a ploy in this case but could easily have been a child’s soul in the balance. Yes, taking time to assess each situation might be wise but sometimes immediate action is critical. Or, delaying means letting paranoia talk you out of getting involved at all. Besides, if you stopped to analyze everything, you wouldn’t be Ahsoka Tano.” She grinned. “That’s what Barriss Offee is for.”

An unwilling smile crept onto her face and she intertwined their fingers. “Are you saying we make a good team?”

“Good?! What are you thinking?” Barriss sniffed. “We are the best.”

She blinked and then burst into laughter. Struggling to regain a straight face, Ahsoka nodded very seriously. “Of course, that’s what I meant.”

“Uh huh. As for me dying, that was never happening. If they haven’t managed it yet, they certainly aren’t going to now.” Her face softened. “Not when I have you. Together, we can handle anything. Right?”

Tightening her hold on Barriss’ fingers, Ahsoka murmured, “Well, we are the best after all.”

_______

Ahsoka frowned at the remaining smears on her hands. “Ugh.” Sticking them back under the rinser, she scoured the aggravating residue. “Engine grease is a creation of the Sith.”

Barriss floated a gigantic pot she’d wrangled Ahsoka into purchasing up on a high shelf. “Are you using the industrial cleanser?”

“You know I hate that stuff.”

There was an exasperated sigh. “That’s because you use too much of it and irritate your skin.” Sounds of someone digging through a cabinet came from behind her. “Let me do it.”

“Ugh, fine.” She pivoted around to find Barriss standing six inches from her face. Licking suddenly moist lips, Ahsoka produced a mangled grin. “Er, lather me up then, Offee.” She mentally cringed.

Barriss rubbed her throat with a shaky laugh. “I’ll see what I can do.” She squirted a dollop of cleanser on her own hand. The woman rolled the watery liquid around in languid, arcing motions, until it coated her olive skin. Then, she reached out with her dry hand and cradled one of Ahsoka’s.

A jolt traveled up Ahsoka’s arm at the gentle touch, and her heartbeat quickened.

Barriss started to spread a thin layer of cleanser. Her pace slowed, taking on a mesmerizing fluidity. Fingertips fluttered over the inside of Ahsoka’s wrist, tipping her equally fluttering pulse into chaos. Then, they drew rhythmic circles in her palm, before finding a long crease in the middle. Barriss traced it gingerly as if treating a sensitive wound. She diverged into the fainter lines crisscrossing it, her lithe fingers grazing each shallow depression.

Ahsoka’s eyes started to roll into the back of her head. She gave her lekku a small shake to ground herself in reality, but it was a losing battle as each feathery touch stoked a growing ache inside her body.

Rotating their hands, Barriss dragged wet tips along the back of Ahsoka’s, leaving tightening skin in her wake. She rubbed hard and deep into her knuckles. Ahsoka’s hand spasmed, scraping nails across a slender wrist. Someone inhaled sharply, which of them she wasn’t sure. Finally reaching her fingers, Barriss lingered for what felt like an eternity, twining her own in and out of each one as she caressed their entire length.

A moan was threatening to escape Ahsoka’s chest, when everything came to an abrupt halt.

Barriss coughed a few times. “Uh, right. Guess we’ve, um, got that one.”

Ripped out of her dizzying intoxication, Ahsoka jerkily whipped her other hand up and smacked it into Barriss’ cheek. “Oh Force! I’m sorry!” Grabbing the woman’s face, she frantically examined it. “Are you ok? I don’t know how I did that!”

“I’m fine," she replied quietly. "Don’t worry.”

Ahsoka rolled a thumb across the reddening splotch as desire spiked to obscene levels. “Are you sure?”

Barriss swallowed and then let out a high-pitched giggle. “Other than having industrial cleanser on my cheek, all’s well.”

Wincing, Ahsoka immediately dropped her grip. “Sorry. I’ve made a mess of both of us, huh?”

“Technically, you’ve made us both cleaner.” She flashed a strained grin. Pumping out another serving, Barriss took the untreated hand and began covering it in much quicker fashion.

“True,” Ahsoka said with as much lightness as she could manage. “You should be thanking me for this service.”

Barriss snorted. “I’m such a lucky girl. Alright, that should do it. Wash yourself off.”

Turning away reluctantly, she rinsed her tingling skin. The still raging impulses intensified, and Ahsoka spun back to Barriss. “My turn.” Lifting a dripping hand to the cleanser-ridden cheek, she rubbed wet fingers over it, reveling in the slick skin mingling with her own.

A shiver passed through Barriss, but her gaze never wavered from Ahsoka’s.

She could sense their essences wafting around each other, hovering at the edges but not quite touching. _Would she let you in again? Could you handle the results?_ During that exquisite night on Ruusan, they had discovered the ability by accident, instinct, who knew. It had felt… completing.

Inching closer, Ahsoka brought her free hand up and cupped the opposite cheek. Holding it steady, her fingers continued twisting in tender caresses.

Breaths becoming shallow, Barriss tilted her face into each touch. Droplets of water trickled down her glistening skin. A few plunged off a trembling chin and vanished beneath the neckline of her low-cut top. Her eyes glazed over, lips parting. “... Soka…”

Ahsoka’s own breathing flowed in rapid bursts as her heart pounded. Every stroke sparked throbbing pleasure. Raw desire was overpowering any remaining restraint. If they didn’t stop now, there would be no turning back. _I don’t want to go back. Do I?_

The decision was made for her as a shrill temperature alarm punched the charged air, painfully assaulting her montrals. Jerking away, Ahsoka cursed. “My repairs must have caused an overheat.” Sensitive nerve endings fraying, she added weakly, “Sorry.” Pivoting, the woman fled to the engine room, wondering if everything was going to blow up in her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so, this was originally drafted as 5 chapters and now we have 6. While editing the final chapter, I decided to add some additional fun to the festivities. As a result, it ended up to be a monster. After all was said it done, it made more sense to split out the content into two chapters--instead of a single huge one with different focus themes. So, here we have a good deal of Ahsoka's deeper unresolved issues surfacing and a little adventure to progress their journey.
> 
> Bonus: Since these were written as one gigantic chapter, the final one needs less editing than usual. Hopefully, that means you'll see it sooner rather than later!


	6. Abiding Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss are too happy.

Barriss turned over, eyes roving across the woman beside her. The night lighting of their quarters cast gray shadows on the slumbering face but didn't dim its beauty. _How do I deserve this?_

Sleeping next to Ahsoka was a fantasy her mind wouldn’t have let itself contemplate a month ago. Yet, here she was. Some part of her kept waiting for the dream to end. She’d wake up in her cave, still miserable and alone. But it didn’t happen. Each day seemed to be better than the one before. And, it terrified her.

Her lurking feeling of unreality had solidified after their intense interlude in the kitchenette yesterday. The possibility of the impossible called everything into question. _Is any of this real?_

_Stop. Believe what's in front of you this time, Offee. _Lifting tentative fingers, Barriss traced a white marking on Ahsoka's cheek. She shouldn’t, but the physical confirmation of reality provided renewed confidence. “I promise I won’t let the fear win. I’ll never hurt you again.”

Ahsoka’s eyelids flicked open.

Barriss jerked away. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to—” Her words stopped as Ahsoka’s hand covered her mouth.

“You’re scared.” Fingers lightly traced her lips, before laying on her cheek. “Please, tell me why.”

Her throat tightened. “I-I think I’m too happy.”

Ahsoka released a long breath and whispered, “Me too. It’s been so long, I didn’t even realize I wasn’t. Now, I'm worried I'll—it's hard to—” Her eyes squeezed shut, and she fell silent for several moments. “No… life has to be lived. I won’t give up.” Opening her eyes, she nodded crisply. “Yes. If we both believe it will last, maybe it finally _ will._”

Barriss stared into the steadfast gaze. “If I have you, I believe anything’s possible.”

She smiled softly, thumb circling Barriss’ cheek. “Good.” Quiet breathing rose in heavy pauses as a soothing earthy scent wafted through her nostrils. The swirling blue of Ahsoka’s eyes was mesmerizing, and everything else faded away. 

Drifting up, Ahsoka delivered a tender kiss to her forehead. Instead of pulling back, her mouth rested there. Warm exhales ruffled wisps of hair. Then, Ahsoka’s lips rubbed a slow path down her face, until reaching Barriss’ own. They hovered for a split second, before brushing against hers.

It was too much to contain as rushing longing from every impossible hope came spewing out. Barriss seized the back of the woman’s head and crushed their mouths together.

Hands gripped her cheeks as Ahsoka responded with matching intensity. Their lips slid against each other in sloppy excitement, any dry patches quickly filled by moistening skin. Ahsoka shifted her upper body to lean over Barriss, strong jaw moving in a steady rhythm. She ran fingers through her hair, nails skimming along the scalp and then tracing the curve of her ear.

Heady pleasure surged through her body, which then promptly upped its demands. Barriss offered a hesitant tongue. It was accepted immediately as another met hers in the middle. They flicked together, exploring a taste and texture almost forgotten. Burying lips into Ahsoka’s, she floated her hand down an elegant lek, caressing its entire length.

Ahsoka gasped and then thrust a tongue inside her mouth, probing every nook and cranny in messy abandon. Eager fingers fumbled along her neck and shoulders.

_This is real. Believe in it._ Her mind recognized the tangible evidence in front of her. Yet, her heart still resisted belief, even as Ahsoka's steamy breath mixed with her own. Too many years of regret, loneliness, and torment had scarred its fragile faith. Barriss needed assurance their bond wasn’t a delusion of a mind damaged by its own twisting. That the perfect harmony once achieved on Ruusan could be reclaimed. That, this time, she could handle the results. Barriss needed to know what had seemed like broken dreams could be… reality.

_Let her in completely. Make it real._ Pulling away, she stammered, “Will you—is it ok if—can we be together like on Ruusan?”

There was a ragged inhale. “It is so much more than ok.” Ahsoka rolled up and straddled her waist. Intense eyes met hers as fingers slipped under the hem of Barriss’ shirt, circling her stomach. She caressed upward, carrying the top with her. The woman halted at the bottom of her breasts, fingertips stroking the rounded edges.

Breaths coming faster, Barriss didn’t waver from the fervent gaze. She lifted trembling hands and ran them along Ahsoka’s thighs.

Ahsoka licked her lips and continued pushing fabric, until finally whipping the shirt over Barriss’ head and tossing it to the floor. Focus locking on the now bare chest, she blanched. Her complexion darkened to burnt orange as a vein punched taut neck muscles. “I will kill Palpatine.”

Barriss flinched. _Oh._ She had forgotten about the scars in her emotional flurry. Taking the woman's hands, she twined their fingers together. “It’s ok. They don’t hurt anymore. That’s the past. This is the future. Remember?” Throat going suddenly dry, she recoiled in on herself. “I mean, unless it… bothers you—”

Ahsoka’s lips shot into hers, digging deeply. She drew back, eyes blazing. “You are_ beautiful_.”

Joy tipped into her soul and she blurted, “I love you. I never stopped.”

Light radiated from Ahsoka’s smile. She kissed their interlocked hands for a long moment. Then, she pressed them against the pillow and dove into a quivering breast.

Barriss yelped, fingers clamping down on Ahsoka’s. Shivering pleasure vibrated through her as a hungry mouth massaged everything in its path. Sharp teeth pricked her nipples one after the other, causing a spate of fresh desire. Releasing her grip, she clumsily pulled at Ahsoka’s ridiculously oversized sleepshirt.

The Togruta sat back on her knees. She tugged the garment off, revealing a completely nude and _very_ well-toned body. Ahsoka grinned down at her impishly.

Barriss gnawed on her bottom lip, taking in the magnificent sight once more. Reaching out, she circled fingertips over the firm breasts. Her eyes drank sinewy muscle and shapely curves. “Still _amazing._”

There was a small snort. Ahsoka leaned into her ear, soft breath prickling the surrounding skin. “I’ll show you amazing.” She dragged the back of her hand over Barriss’ cheek, trailing it across her throat and down to her chest. Adulating eyes poured into hers. “Only the best for you.” Dropping her head, Ahsoka cupped one of her breasts, squeezing and plying it into a hot mouth.

Lungs jerking a breath, Barriss grasped Ahsoka’s shoulder blades, burrowing fingers into the oscillating muscles. She groaned as pleasure swamped her senses. With each new thrust of Ahsoka’s tongue, yearning flowed from the inside out. She scratched nails down the woman’s back and pleaded, “More…”

Ahsoka immediately switched attention to unfastening Barriss’ pants and working them off. Limbs twitching erratically, Barriss made a token effort to help. The woman stopped her. “No, let me. Please.”

Barriss simply nodded and squeezed the blanket beneath her as anticipation shook her core.

Pants flew across the room and then calloused fingers massaged up her now bare skin. They tucked into her underwear, wriggling them down. Ahsoka’s mouth followed their path, coursing over thighs to her calves and even the tops of her feet. The garment vanished completely, and her legs were prodded apart. Bending them into a comfortable position, Barriss shivered as cold air hit burning spaces.

Ahsoka centered between her knees and hands stroked her abdomen. After what felt like an eternity, one slipped between her legs. Barriss held her breath, awaiting the touch she’d hardly dared to dream about having once more.

It came gently, slowly. Fingers fluttered through sensitive folds and circled her throbbing entrance, teasing strips of slickening skin.

Groping for a lek, she jerked her thumb across it and felt a corresponding stutter from Ahsoka’s fingers. Rotating her grip to the supple, inner section, she prodded it with hard and soft presses.

A soft rumble came from Ahsoka in response. She began pinching and twisting bits of delicate skin.

Agonizing longing saturated everything, and Barriss strained to hold herself steady enough to enjoy each touch. The crawling escalation soon became unbearable. Only immense self-control prevented her from grabbing the provoking fingers and forcing them inside of her. She screamed a silent plea.

It was answered as a single fingertip slid over the edge, skimming tender walls. Ahsoka flicked a wide path but never more than an inch or two deep. Shots of delight came in too short bursts. Barriss bucked hips into the maddeningly shallow movements, trying to satisfy the demands of her body and her heart.

“Patience, young Offee,” a throaty voice quipped. Ahsoka leaned forward and sunk a fierce mouth into hers, while the massaging fiddle continued its measured refrain below.

Locking her arms around the muscled back and legs behind Ahsoka’s thighs, Barriss clung to the woman’s body, rocking herself into the infuriating hand. Another finger joined the deepening stimulation. Burning pleasure contracted and expanded in repeated throbs. Ahsoka’s tongue slithered inside her mouth, stifling desperate moans.

Soon, her wobbling muscles lost cohesion, and Barriss collapsed flat on the bed. Ahsoka nibbled on her bottom lip and then began gliding down, licking swaths of skin. Her thick lips engulfed a nipple and began sucking hard.

She shuddered as tiny explosions peppered both halves of her body. "S-so-soka…"

Just as Barriss knew she couldn’t handle anymore preamble, the onslaught halted and heavy breathing punctuated the air. “D-do you want to… like Ruusan?”

Her heart swelled with a different kind of happiness. Barriss raised her head, fixing longingly on the woman. “Please.” Not even waiting for a response, she fell into Ahsoka’s consuming gaze. Their essences wavered at the edges. Then, they collided, melding together for the first time since Ruusan. The women hung in the moment, floating through intangible intoxication. What was lost had been restored.

Then, their connection resonated with harmonized need, and a hand snaked into the small of Barriss’ back, lifting her slightly. Eyes never leaving hers, Ahsoka pushed fingers into Barriss, grinding them against compressing walls.

Heat pooled beneath her skin as blood thrummed through engorged veins. Barriss exhaled frantic pants, between waves of pleasure. Ahsoka’s fingers plunged deeper and hooked into the perfect spot, kneading it in fluid strokes.

Her breathing jerked to a momentary halt as euphoric fire erupted in her core. Ahsoka's presence flowed behind it, fusing raw bliss into her own. Barriss fought to keep the woman she loved in view, moans rolling into whimpers.

Ahsoka braced her body and then began thrusting, delivering electric ecstasy with every circuit. Unable to hold her head up any longer, Barriss caved into the bed, writhing under Ahsoka’s tight hold. The speed and pressure ramped to a frenzied pace. Dancing flashes blurred her vision. All she could manage was stuttering cries between throbbing crashes deep inside of her.

Suddenly, everything paused, and there was nothing but pure Ahsoka filling her senses. Barriss sucked in a sublime breath. It was… perfection. Then, the strong fingers bore down, burrowing into their favorite spot.

Her body spasmed and arced up. As it crested into swarming rapture, Barriss released a choked scream and embraced a beautiful reality.

_______

Ahsoka shuddered as her muscles slowed their happy quivers, gulping breaths calming into steady pants. “That was…” Every word seemed inadequate to describe the pleasure Barriss had just inflicted. “... whatever means the most amazing thing ever.”

The ravishing tongue that shouldn’t have been capable of the maneuvers it had performed swept up from her still twanging lower body, dragging itself along tingling skin and tweaking a breast on the way to her neck. Pulsing cobalt eyes appeared. “Only the best for you.”

“Mission accomplished, Offee,” she rasped as her limbs at last stopped their involuntary twitching.

Straddling Ahsoka’s stomach, the woman leaned over her, disheveled strands of coal black hair draping down and tickling Ahsoka’s shoulders. A sheen of sweat layered the lithe body, and a positively wicked grin covered her face. “Well, I had plenty of free time to design the perfect Ahsoka Tano infiltration strategy. A girl has to have dreams to keep her going between near death experiences and bouts of misery, you know.”

Ahsoka blinked several times and then burst into croaking laughter, skirting the edges of uncontrolled giggling.

“What?” Barriss responded innocently. “While I was impersonating a librarian on Mygeeto, I did some _very_ detailed research on the subject of Togruta mating practices. You just wait. I have six other theoretically effective techniques I’ve been waiting years to try out.” Fingers stretched across Ahsoka’s cheeks and moist lips pressed into hers. After a few moments, Barriss broke away and whispered, “Of course, I never thought I’d actually make them a reality.”

She smiled and lifted a hand, rubbing knuckles along the diamonds. “Told you nothing is certain these days.” Ahsoka gazed into the exquisite eyes she never thought to see again, and her heart shivered. _Please, never leave me. I need you._ “I take it back. One thing is definitely certain.”

“Such as?”

Sliding arms around her, she pulled Barriss down and flattened the slender body into hers. The feel of bare skin melding into one nearly sent Ahsoka into another round of ecstasy. Clenching her tightly, she stated, “You’re staying right here.”

Barriss relaxed in the embrace. Intertwining their legs and rolling a lek between supple fingers, she snuggled into Ahsoka’s neck. A happy voice murmured, “It’s a deal, Tano.”

_______

Her stomach involuntarily growled. “Quit it.”

Raising her head from Ahsoka’s chest, Barriss smirked. “What? I thought my glazed Chandrilian tendermeat was your favorite. Are you saying you don’t want it?”

“Not if it means you leaving this bed.”

“Ahsoka, really. We have to get up at some point. Besides, I want to take a shower.”

Making grumbling noises, she locked her arms around Barriss.

A sardonic eyebrow lifted. “You are aware that eating doesn’t prevent us from returning to bed? In fact, it will make doing so more enjoyable if our stomachs aren’t eating into our spines.”

Swallowing a sudden lump in her throat, Ahsoka mumbled, “I know. I’m—” _You’re what?_ She had thought giving in to her romantic desires would fill the hole in her heart, but it was still there. Keeping Barriss close seemed to provide a temporary reprieve. _What happens if I lose her? _Tiny pinpricks shot through her chest, and she clenched Barriss tighter. _Don’t you dare ruin this. Focus on the here and now._ Forcing her muscles to relax, she produced a dramatic pout. “Staying in bed makes me happy. Now, don’t you want me to be happy?”

Barriss grunted. “Valiant effort, Tano.” She reached up to stroke Ahsoka’s cheek. “I’m sure we can find an acceptable compromise. How about we celebrate our mutual happiness by having an adventurous dinner?”

“What does that mean? We live on the wild side by eating dessert first? No wait. We're going to—shock and horror!—forgo the Jogans in our fruit salad.”

“Fine, if you aren’t interested in participating in my happiness-inducing plan, I’ll just go—”

“Nope!” Sliding Barriss up her body, she pecked her nose. “You may submit your adventurous proposal for due consideration.”

“Uh huh. I’m going to let your insubordination go this time. I’ll just assume you are overwhelmed by my dazzling beauty and incapable of forming an appropriately adoring response.”

Ahsoka waggled her eyebrows. “You assume correctly.”

A small flush crept across her cheeks. “Hmm, we’ll see if that holds.” Barriss ran a light hand along Ahsoka’s arm. “I’ll throw one of my pre-prepped meals in the oven. Of course, we’d have limited time to both get a shower in.” The fingers trailed down to her thigh, drawing tiny circles into tightening skin. “Guess we'll have to… improvise."

Pulse quickening, Ahsoka struggled to process. “How is that a compromise? Repeating your earlier demands in a sultry tone isn’t going to magically convince me to let you leave my arms. Though, I must admit, I wouldn’t mind you continuing to try. Especially, if it includes that delightful voice.”

There was a groan. “I don’t know why I bother. You can dish out subtle innuendo all day long but being on the receiving end is so not your thing.” Barriss put a heavy emphasis on each point. “It will take less than _ten minutes_ to finish preparing a casserole and stick it in the oven. There’s only _one_ tiny shower on this ship. We _both_ need to use it prior to dinner being ready.” Her eyes glinted. “Any ideas on a strategy?”

“Ohhh.” Excitement buzzed into an eager grin. “Yes, many ideas I have, young Offee. Come visit me in the shower, and I’ll explain in detail.”

Barriss sniffed. “Better.”

“Well, I do have my moments,” she declared with a superior wave.

Resting fingers on Ahsoka’s bottom lip, Barriss murmured, “I’m such a lucky girl.”

“I’ll show you lucky.” She kissed the fingertips. “In fact, we could skip the whole dinner part and try out my ideas posthaste.”

“Patience, young Tano. Happy things come to those who wait.” Barriss untangled herself from Ahsoka and slid off the bed. Wincing, she stretched her lithe body in all directions. “Force, everything hurts. A hot shower will feel good in more ways than one.” She grinned and began digging through discarded clothing.

Ahsoka managed a shaky laugh in response. Her now empty arms were jittery. _Stop this. She’s coming right back. Why can't you just let yourself be happy? _The painful lump in her throat swelled. _Because I might not survive losing it this time._

Smelling two different shirts, Barriss wrinkled her nose and flung them across their quarters. “Nevermind. Cooking naked sounds like an adventure.”

Leaping up, Ahsoka snagged her robe from a wall hook and wrapped it around the woman. “Absolutely not. I don’t trust that kitchenette. It has a mind of its own. Can’t have you risking even an inch of glorious skin.”

Barriss chuckled and tucked her face into the billowing fabric encasing her, inhaling deeply. A content smile formed as she floated toward the door. “Alright, get the water hot for me.”

_No. Don’t go._ Ahsoka impulsively grabbed her arm and begged, “Please, don’t leave me.” She slammed her mouth shut, cringing at the irrational plea.

The woman froze and then twisted around. Her expression radiated intensity. “I promise you, Ahsoka Tano, I’m not going anywhere. Actually, it’s more than a promise. It’s truth etched into my soul. Once I accepted this was reality, there was no turning back. I’ll _never_ leave you.”

She latched onto the offered hope. “Are you really that certain?”

Laying both hands on Ahsoka’s face, Barriss fixed confident eyes on hers. “Yes. If you’re worried about our past, try to remember I’m not a scared girl getting her first taste of forbidden love anymore. She let herself be blinded by anger, misery, and dogma. The woman she became understands what that foolish girl couldn’t. For me, this is deeper than physical desires, romantic love, or friendship. I might not be sure of much these days, but there is one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. No matter what form our relationship takes, I belong with you. You’ll see. I’ve got our entire lives to show you how certain I am.”

Her heart steadied, and Ahsoka pressed their foreheads together. “It’s more about me, I think. My mind is a mess lately. I’m being stupid, sorry.”

“No, this is important. It's alright if you need time. There’s no rush. I’ll still be here. I don’t know everything you’ve endured, but I do understand how too much pain makes it hard to believe things can be different. Until yesterday, I was terrified this was a dream that would vanish. Then, I woke up to find reality was even better.” Barriss leaned back and rubbed her cheek gently. “Someone once told me our future won’t be perfect. And that’s ok as long as we figure it out together.”

She couldn’t help a small grin. “Sounds like a very wise person.” _Maybe… just start small? Wounds that took years to create can’t be healed in a day. One step at a time._ Her pulse slowed, and the painful ache receded to the background. Ahsoka exhaled in relief. _I can handle that._ Suddenly feeling like a youngling at her first gathering, she bounced on her toes. “In that case, why haven’t you put dinner on yet, Offee? Zip, zip. We’ve got celebrating to do.”

Barriss laughed and brushed lips over hers. “Oh, we definitely do.”

_______

“Timeline is still unknown. Though, the issue is closer to a resolution. We’ll have quite a bit to discuss.” She added wryly, “By the way, there is no need to check-in so… regularly. Fulcrum out.”

She encoded the message, feeling both guilt and amusement at Bail’s frustrated groan upon receiving it. _You’re just going to have to wait for me to figure things out, buddy._ There was too much at stake for Ahsoka Tano. She wouldn’t be rushed, no matter how many status requests Bail flung at her. _He’s worse than a Wampa den mother._

_Speaking of rushing…_ She grinned and jogged down to the kitchenette. Ahsoka peeked in the doorway and admired the alluring figure. Barriss was intently mashing some scarlet-colored goo in a bowl. Spots of flour streaked her face, while wisps of hair flew in all directions.

Impatient desire flared higher. She sidled up behind Barriss and leaned into her ear. “So, what is today's masterpiece of culinary delight that is taking an unacceptable amount of time to prepare?”

Barriss jumped. “Tano! I’ve told you to stop doing that! I nearly lost count of the kneads.”

Sliding her arms around the woman's waist, she dragged lips along the back of her neck. “I’ll knead anything you want.”

Giving something between a groan and a sigh, Barriss said, “Once the raxa berry completely blends into the mince, it’ll be finished. So, just hold your little ex-Jedi reflexes for five more minutes.”

“Fine,” Ahsoka grumbled, “but I’m staying right here to provide oversight.”

She hissed a breath. “Don’t you dare distract me.” Her tone took on a pleading edge. “Please, Ahsoka. If I stop now, this will be ruined. I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”

_Argh! I swear she knows exactly how to make you obey her every command._ Resigned to her fate, she pecked the woman’s cheek. “You’re always worth the wait.”

There was a shyly pleased smile in response.

Desperately trying to follow instructions, Ahsoka focused on what Barriss was doing. Slender fingers moved rhythmically through the thick substance, coating olive skin red. A bewitching aroma seeped into her nostrils, making her canines quiver. She propped a chin on Barriss’ shoulder, eyes never leaving the entrancing sight.

After a few silent minutes, one hand left the bowl and floated up. “Want to taste test?” Gummy fingers brushed remnants of the concoction across her mouth.

Heat flushed Ahsoka’s skin, and she licked her lips. Every sense lit up. The smoky sweetness complemented meaty undertones, making her glands salivate at an alarming rate. Then, a tingling afterbite kicked, and she gasped. “Oh Force, that is _amazing_.”

“I knew you’d like it,” she responded happily. “It’s an ancient Togruta delicacy. It was used for, erm, special occasions and is supposed to be quite… potent.”

“So much more than like.” She shot over the woman’s shoulder and snagged a hovering finger in her sharp teeth. There was a pained yip in response. Coming back to her senses, Ahsoka immediately released her plunder. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bite that hard.”

“No, I’m ok. Don’t worry.” Twisting her head back, Barriss grinned and trailed the finger across Ahsoka’s mouth. “Though, we do have quite a mess now.”

The tempting target, now slick with her own markings and scarlet smears, was nearly irresistible. “Uh, right.” Her vision fixated on the tantalizing finger. “Do you, um, want me to… g-get you a towel?”

There was an exasperated sigh. “Force above, Tano.” Edging the tip of her finger between Ahsoka’s lips, Barriss murmured, “I want you to clean me up, please.”

Message finally penetrating her overstimulated brain, Ahsoka clamped down. “Mmm…” Managing to keep enough presence of mind to avoid piercing skin this time, she swished her tongue over the glazed finger. The rough texture, intense flavor, and tingling sensation was intoxicating. Yet, the feel of Barriss pressed against her eclipsed all of it. _Belong to me forever. Please._ Pulling her tighter, she slipped hands under the woman’s shirt and massaged her stomach. Ahsoka buried the finger deeply into her mouth and strained to lick every drop. Stripping it clean to the knuckle, she seized the next one. Her wandering hands strayed up Barriss’ chest and found a hard nipple. Rolling it between her fingers, she slowly sucked on the one curling inside her mouth.

Barriss lolled against her, eyelids fluttering. “Soka…”

Excitement peaking, Ahsoka’s pace soon matched her frantic pulse. She squeezed a taut breast with one hand and stretched the other down the front of Barriss’ pants, rubbing hard between her legs. There was a low moan in response.

Ahsoka rapidly finished off another finger, and dizzy euphoria pitched higher. She tried to steady herself as the room spun.

The hand Barriss had been holding up started drifting away. She jerked it back into position but couldn’t keep it in place as her body shivered.

Lunging forward, Ahsoka caught it in her teeth and worked the next finger into her mouth. Forcing herself into a less frenzied rhythm, she continued her progression through delicious skin, reveling in each fresh taste. Until, there were no fingers remaining, and she let out a guttural growl.

Barriss tilted her head up, a wicked gleam in the cobalt eyes. “Why don’t we take dinner to our quarters and see what ideas we can come up with?”

She grinned wolfishly, needing no further clarification on that plan. Barriss barely had time to grab the bowl, before Ahsoka had swept both prizes into her arms and employed Jedi-level speed out of the kitchenette.

_______

A sixth climax jerked across Barriss, and she gurgled in surprised ecstasy.

Ahsoka’s clearly wearying tongue rushed to work every last bit from the unexpected gift. It roved inside of her as fingers massaged the outer edges. Once Barriss' writhing muscles slowed, the woman pulled out and wiped her face with a dazed grin.

Barriss rolled onto her side and curled up, trying to hold onto the incredible throb coursing through her.

Scooting up the bed, Ahsoka pressed a burning body into hers. Snaking a hand over Barriss, she gently rubbed her breasts. Her fingers swept back sweat-soaked hair and then swollen lips trailed across her shoulders.

Coming down in Ahsoka’s arms, she panted. “Oh, Soka.”

She wrapped Barriss in a strong embrace and nuzzled into the nape of her neck. For a few minutes, there was only hoarse breathing. Then, Ahsoka pleaded, “Let me in again. I know we’ve only done it when we’re making love, but can we see what it feels like now?”

Turning over, she brushed lips over hers. “I’d love too. I always want to go deeper, but it’s so brief and we’re…” Barriss grinned. “… distracted. I want everything,” she ended quietly.

Ahsoka swallowed. “Oh, uh, didn’t think of that. Everything. Right. Um, ready?”

Nodding happily, Barriss anchored to the opposing eyes and focused. Their essences floated around each other and then connected. She let go, allowing her entire being to fall into Ahsoka. As they melded together, Barriss pushed further in for the first time.

An inexplicable resistance surfaced, and her progress halted. Confused, she prodded the edges of the barrier and made a small crack. Deep isolation flooded their wavering connection.

_Oh._ Her own scars cried out in empathy. Barriss stretched the fragile bond to its limits, trying to heal the fissure in Ahsoka’s soul. _‘Please, let me help.’_ Something grasped at her, attempting to pull her into the gap, but then it recoiled in panic.

She laid her hand on Ahsoka’s cheek and whispered, “I understand. But that’s the past, remember? We can build a different future. If you’re not ready for everything yet, that’s alright. Just let me in a little to help soothe the pain. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

Tears squeezed onto Ahsoka’s face as anguish cut the air between them. “I-I want to but don’t know if I can. If I lost you, I might… be lost.”

She massaged the wet skin beneath her fingertips. “I thought that too once. Then, I really did lose myself. Or, so I believed. Now, I realize that wasn't really true. I’ll show you why.” She opened herself completely, laying bare every torment, fear, and hope.

Ahsoka tensed as their connection reverberated with hurt and loss.

Barriss touched their foreheads together. _‘Look deeper.’ _Memories flashed in quick succession. A whip flayed her skin. Each lash burned rage into her soul, pitching it further toward darkness. Then, Ahsoka’s bright grin floated through the haze, providing a sliver of light to follow out… She gazed at her warped reflection in a glistening knife, preparing to end the pain. A tan loth-cat with blue and white stripes decorating its ears pawed at the weapon. Hissing, it fixed vibrant blue eyes on hers. Dropping the knife, Barriss held her friend to the sound of content purrs… She stared blankly at a cave wall, mind breaking, the person that she was slipping away. Until, a distant memory of Ahsoka saying her name brought clarity once again. More images came and went. In each one, an abiding love transcended the pain, drawing her back.

_‘Do you understand? You were always there, even when I believed Barriss Offee had been lost. She couldn’t be, because you couldn’t be. Anything that becomes a part of us can never be truly lost.’_

Body trembling in erratic bursts, Ahsoka clung to her tightly.

Barriss maintained an unwavering gaze. _‘Whatever comes, all I am will still belong to you. Forever.’_

The shaking congealed into strength, and the barrier suddenly splintered. A tidal wave of emotions cascaded through, crushing it to ashes. They both gasped as their bond cemented and utter completion threaded between them.

Ahsoka’s eyes shined with an ethereal light. _‘I love you.’_

Barriss smiled and tenderly wiped away the last vestiges of loneliness from Ahsoka’s cheek.

_______

Ahsoka paced around the cockpit as yet another status request from Bail faded out. She rubbed her arm, emotions spiking dangerously. _It's way past time._ She'd finally accepted what her heart had already known. It was irrevocably committed. _It always has been._

That meant Barriss needed to know. When she decided to stay, the woman probably hadn’t anticipated an armed rebellion. And they couldn’t wander aimlessly for eternity, though the prospect was tempting.

_Could I leave it all?_ Ahsoka knew the truth before she’d finished the question. Even if she could resist her impulse to do something, reality would catch up to them sooner or later. Hiding only resulted in more pain and usually dragged innocents along for the ride. It wasn’t something Ahsoka could handle. She’d learned that lesson long ago.

Her concern wasn’t trusting Barriss with everything. That barely blipped her radar now. Ahsoka understood Barriss like she never had before. Her young love, which had been so overwhelming at the time, was a mere shadow of this. Perhaps, it came with maturity. Or, overcoming their past allowed for a deeper connection. For all she knew, it could be a result of freedom from the restrictions of their Jedi mindsets and understanding who they were as individuals. Whatever the cause, their bond was now permanently rooted in Ahsoka’s soul. _Forever._

Bail would probably have a fit, given the amount of classified knowledge Ahsoka handled, but he’d trust her judgement. The man would also not pass on a chance to recruit another former Jedi to their cause, even if her credentials were a little suspect. They’d work it out. He and the Rebellion needed Ahsoka Tano. And Ahsoka Tano needed Barriss Offee.

The real issue was that she was scared—no, completely terrified—Barriss wouldn’t be able to handle Ahsoka's life. It wasn't open warfare yet but was still an armed conflict. In many ways, a more soul wearying one than the Clone Wars had ever been. Slumping into her seat, she spun through options with no success. _I can’t lose her. I can’t not fight._

There was a cough from the cockpit door. “What’s wrong?”

Ahsoka jumped but quickly pasted a smile. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Barriss pursed lips and then settled into the co-pilot’s seat. Rotating it to face her, she stated, “Ahsoka, you can’t fool me anymore. Your anxiety is so strong, I could feel it from our quarters. Besides, this goes both ways. If you want me to talk to you, you have to talk to me.”

She winced. “Fair enough.” Taking a deep breath, Ahsoka rushed out, “I’m worried you don’t realize what you’ve signed up for. I am part of the Rebellion. In fact, I’m a key part of it. Staying with me means—”

“Fighting another war,” Barriss finished quietly. “I know, and I’ve already made my choice.”

Ahsoka jerked up. “You did?”

“Yes.” A steady gaze met hers. “In the Clone Wars, it was as if we were the evil, lying to ourselves about our own beliefs, cloaking violence with peacekeeping, breaking every code I’d been taught was absolute truth. Of course, it was much more complicated. I understand that now. Still, this feels different. Your rebels don’t pretend to be something they're not, and I’ve seen what you’re fighting up close.” She shivered. “In a sense, I’d only be trying to stop the same darkness I was back then.”

The response allayed some of her worry, but the most important question lingered. There were many non-combat roles Barriss would excel at in the expanding rebellion. However, that wasn't what Ahsoka wanted. _I need her with me._ “I could arrange a support post that lets us see each other semi-regularly. On the other hand, living with me means being in the thick of it. There’s frequent upheaval and occasional combat. My intelligence and coordination work by its very nature requires—many things I’ve had to do are…” She clenched her fists. “It’s not the way of the Jedi.”

Barriss reached out and rubbed a thumb over her cheek. “I understand. Don't forget, though, you’re not alone anymore. I'm here.”

Renewed strength surged into her soul. Taking her hand, Ahsoka kissed the knuckles. “There are inspiring and rewarding aspects too, of course. Still, deceit, loss, and confrontation aren’t uncommon. You live in shades of gray and the right choice isn't always clear. It's like Nal Hutta only worse. Are you—is that kind of life going to hurt you?”

She rolled her shoulders. “It sounds like every life I've had, honestly. Except, I feel different this time. Maybe I’m wiser or less idealistic. I don’t know. But I’m not a Jedi anymore. I’m simply Barriss Offee. And that person knows what _she_ believes in, unlike the young knight, who could only see things through a Jedi prism cracked beyond repair. She can handle alot, if it's for a just cause and protects innocents. Especially, if her guiding light believes in the people she’s fighting with. You do, don’t you?”

“I do. This isn’t like the Republic or even the Order. You’ll see. We’re truly fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves this time. Creating a new world, a better one than what came before it, I hope.”

Barriss nodded. “That’s all I need to know.” Her expression intensified. “Besides, if you think I’m relocating anywhere you are not, we’re going to have serious issues.”

Muscles releasing their painful tightness, Ahsoka breathed, “Force, I love you.” Hesitating for a moment, she asked, “Do you believe me?”

An ethereal smile mixed with glassy eyes. “Yes.”

“You better.” Putting on a stern expression, she continued, “And are you going to share how you discovered I was in the Rebellion?”

Barriss snorted. “It was a valiant effort. But no matter how hardened you think you’ve become, Ahsoka Tano, you’re still too trusting. It’s in your very nature. I wouldn’t be here now otherwise, would I?”

She glared. “Was there an answer hidden in that strangely insulting compliment?”

Eyes flicked upward. “Other than your pointed remarks about dangerous work, stolen Imperial codes, odd cargo inventory, extensive intel, vague answers, and merely knowing your incurable need for action? You told me to make up a supply list weeks ago. A couple of wrong scrolls dropped me in a section with secured communiques. I realize you probably don’t have people on your ship with unsupervised access, but you really should put even encoded messages behind an extra security wall. And you _definitely_ shouldn’t use an emblem of the rebellion as their icon,” she added dryly. Then, her eyes glinted. “I think you might need someone more paranoid to look after these things for you. Perhaps, a brilliant, detail-oriented person to stay in the shadows and watch your back.”

She blinked and then a giddy grin formed. “Are you volunteering?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. What’s in it for me?” was the impish reply.

Ahsoka shifted to the edge of her seat. “Saving lives? Making a difference? Freedom for the galaxy?”

Barriss slid forward to match her position. “Tempting, but I think I need a better incentive.”

Her grin widened. Reaching over, she trailed fingers across the diamonds. “State your demands then, Offee.”

Intense cobalt eyes locked on hers. “You. Forever.”

Ahsoka leaned closer, hovering in front of the alluring mouth. “In that case, I don’t think we’ll have a problem. You’ve already got that. You always did,” she ended softly with a gentle press of their lips.

Barriss sighed happily and wrapped hands around her neck. “It’s so a deal, Tano.” Then, she pulled Ahsoka’s mouth back into hers.

As she deepened the kiss, Ahsoka Tano realized the hole inside of her was filled once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END! (Finally.)  
It took way longer than anticipated to finish this off due to obsessive levels of editing and a vacation inbetween. Hopefully, it turned out to be an enjoyable end result for you all. I can't even tell anymore. I overedited this chapter to the point of madness. 
> 
> Anyhow, let me know if you have ideas/are interested in another part for this series. Either way, thank you so much for reading and commenting!

**Author's Note:**

> Update! Part 3 is now available --- next work -->


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